The Most Awkward, Hilarious Childhood Fails You’ll Want To Cringe-Laugh At

Back in 3rd grade, our teacher let kids go to lunch early based on silly stuff like what color clothes you wore. When it was the turn for red, I was so proud wearing red underwear that when the teacher said she didn’t see red on me, I quickly pulled down my pants to prove it. Yep, I flashed my teacher. My parents got a call, and my dad still brings it up. Classic.

At 5 years old, I thought giving my pet hamster, Cubby, a bath was a brilliant idea. Filled the sink, mom thankfully stopped me before it became a soggy mess. Then I tried with the garden hose. Nope, mom saved the day again. Hours later, I was sitting with a dripping wet hamster, proudly explaining I’d licked him clean like a mama hamster. Family still jokes about my hamster showering skills.

In 3rd grade reading time, I let out a stink bomb so bad everyone heard and definitely smelled it. Right after, a tiny earthquake shook the room. The teacher made us evacuate—not because of the quake, but because my fart supposedly made the classroom unlivable. I cried ‘cause I ruined the book reading forever. Yep, my fart shook the world.

Helping grandma hang a cross, I was asked to pass it but instead I screamed "OH GOD IT BURNS!!" and flung it onto her bed. Grandma nearly had a heart attack, mom got called, and I was grounded. Worth it.

As a kid so easily distracted, my parents wrote our home address on the backs of my shoes in case I got lost. Plot twist: I lost my shoes at school and came home barefoot. My siblings never let me forget this one.

I swiped a kitten from a neighbor’s yard and, thinking ahead, decided to chop off my bangs to avoid getting caught. Mom was not impressed with the haircut. Obviously, I had to return the kitten and my awful haircut didn’t save me.

At 4, I saw my first black kid and asked, "How did you get burned? You look like a burned hot dog." Totally innocent. He shrugs, and we became best friends. Embarrassing when he asked his parents how he got burned—right in front of me!

Dork alert! In 3rd grade, I read alone and got teased for it. My solution? Hissing at the other kids like a cat. Yep, I hissed. Spoiler: It didn’t make me popular.

My brother, a chubby kid who loved Chef Boyardee, nuked his pasta, grabbed the crazy-hot bowl, dropped it everywhere, and mom got mad. Then he burst into tears because it was the last can. We still laugh about it.

At 7, I gave myself a horrible haircut with scissors I found at grandma’s. Parents made me rock the tragic look for two whole weeks as ‘punishment.’ Looking back, soooo worth it.

Some older kid convinced me boys had periods. So I wore maxi pads for a month, waiting to bleed. When it didn’t happen, I staged a fake bloody one. Friends freaked, laughed, and set me straight. Still hear about it 12 years later.

Mom wanted me to learn proper terms for body parts. Next day, at preschool, I boldly told the pastor, “Girls have chinas, boys have penies.” The pastor froze, my dad dragged me away, and I’m still laughing.

In kindergarten, I told my teacher to pull my finger. Spoiler alert: I farted. She was super proper and clueless. Mom had to explain, and now I’m forever known as the kid who farted on his teacher.

At a Durham Bulls game, I was handed a free plastic helmet. Chipper Jones offered to trade me an autographed bat for it. I said no because my dad might get mad. Chipper looked at me like I was nuts and gave the bat to someone else. Oops.

At two years old, left alone in the bathroom, I made a ‘cool’ outfit out of a grocery bag with holes for my legs, slicked back my hair, and proudly strutted in front of my mom’s coworkers. They were surprised, mom explained I had real clothes, and dad never bathed me again. Fashion icon alert!

After PE, as I was changing, a buddy slapped me hard with a wet towel. I got so mad I ran after him through the locker room and straight into the auditorium—totally naked. Totally forgot I wasn’t dressed yet. Classic.

Trying to mimic my mom putting on eyeliner, I ended up supergluing my own eyes shut. Yep, that happened. Didn’t see that coming.

Dad hated one of Mom’s friends and called him trashy names I didn’t get. So, innocent me saw the guy with a sunburn and said, “Look mom, he really does have a red neck!” Mortified mom, forever embarrassed kid.

At 4 years old, I barfed all over myself at lunch. The teacher had to clean me up in front of other kids who promptly mocked me. Not a great look. Still haunts big groups for me.

At 11, I wrote a super embarrassing love letter to a boy I liked. He found it because I left it out. We got awkward, then he started joking about it. Now he’s my best bud and still gives me a hard time.

Ran full speed into a sliding glass door at Easter. Went to run away, then ran into the screen door. If only I’d slowed down…

In sixth grade, I thought it was funny to moon cars driving down my street. That ended when a guy backed up, snapped a pic, and who knows where that ended up. Yikes!

Used to zone out a lot. One day at Walmart, my brain went: “We’re getting ready for gym!” So I took off my pants in the middle of the aisle, standing there in my underwear. The lady staring at me was NOT impressed.

Best friend and I used to howl "COOOOOO-KIE CRISP" across the playground just to find each other. Also, once I carried a bag of flour dressed like a baby around school for a whole week. Fifth grade, folks.

At 10, I was eating breakfast sausage and loudly yelled, “I’M JUST SUCKING ON MY SAUSAGE!” Family still teases me nonstop.

At 10, I projectile vomited in front of my whole extended family after Thanksgiving dinner when teased about being quiet. Years later, at 15, I tripped getting off the school bus and face-planted in front of the entire school. Iconic.

8th grade me saw my dad’s razor and decided to shave my uni-brow off. Took off half the right eyebrow by accident. Hello, patchy look.

At 5, super excited at Disneyworld, I kept yelling at my mom about a tiny man that looked like 'a little boy with a man's head.' Mom horrified; I just wanted to share the fun.

At 12, a gas station clerk asked when my baby was due because, yep, I was a really chubby kid. Fun times.

At 5, I told an overweight stranger, "You're too big to be sitting in that chair." No filter back then!

During a game of duck duck goose, my pants dropped to the floor. Yep. The whole school saw. And someone recorded it. NO, you can't see the video.

At age 6, me and my sister officially ‘got married.’ Our parents have never let us forget that one. Childhood weirdness at its best.

In 4th grade, our teacher had a secret crush. We teased him nonstop. One day, I yelled, “Go make love to Mrs. Hughes!” Not knowing what 'make love' really meant. Teacher was grossed out, I was confused, Dad flipped out. Good times.

I was too embarrassed to ask to use the bathroom in 1st grade, so I just wet my pants on purpose. That was my brilliant solution.

At 4, I asked why watches have such tiny gears and my dad said they're mostly made in China. So I said, “That’s why people there have squinty eyes — they stare at tiny parts all day.” Oof.

At 6 during grandma's birthday party, I planned a ‘happy birthday dance’ after hours of choreographing. Just before dancing, I peed a little in my boxers, ripped them off, and danced naked while singing. Crowds were stunned. I own it.

At 4, wearing ill-fitting boxer shorts at my birthday party, I played a sponge game in a kiddie pool. Didn’t get a sponge, sprinted, tripped, and my boxers flew off—front and center to everyone. Classic.

When I was 4 or 5, I decided to write my name on my parents’ car using a penny. The paint didn’t love it.

At 7, after a comic strip about a lady yelling, “GIMME A PIG'S FOOT AND A CUP OF BEER!” I decided not to say Trick-or-Treat at every door. Yeah, people noticed. Plus other classic childhood fails involving cigarettes, tying teacher’s necks, and rewrapping gifts.

My mom had a friend staying with us after a breakup. When we went out, I’d walk up to random men and ask if they wanted to be his boyfriend. Naively matchmaking at its best.

At 5, while leaving my grandparents’ house, I said “Good riddance!” instead of goodbye. Parents? Mortified. Me? Still proud.

At 9, I forgot my keys, so I tried to break into my house by throwing a rock through a window. It only shattered one layer, so I had to call mom. Nailed it.

I once called my teacher “Mom.” Yeah, that happened.

My dad had an old station wagon. I’d climb in the back and put on puppet shows with my stuffed animals for the cars behind us at stoplights. No idea if anyone noticed.

At 8, at my great aunt’s birthday dinner, I told the Chinese waiter I’d like the “cleavage,” after hearing it in a movie. Family was shocked; I had no clue what it meant until years later.

As a toddler, I apparently got bored at grandpa’s funeral and sat smack in the aisle with my hands down my pants. Parents still tell that story.

When I was little, I used to stick my boogers behind the couch. Years later, moving day revealed a solid snot layer that required some serious scraping. Family favorite tale.

In kindergarten at the library, I thought I could hold it but nope—I peed my pants right there. Played it cool like nothing happened. Smooth.