We Asked Ex-Burglars: Where NOT To Hide Your Stuff If You Like It

Here’s a wild but smart one: glue a spare key that doesn’t open anything important under your doormat. When a thief comes, they try to grab it, realize it’s useless, get spooked thinking they're being watched, and usually bail. Tricky, right?

My husband hides things so well that sometimes we can’t find them! Hiding is good, but if you forget where you put your valuables, you’re kinda defeating the purpose.

Not a burglar, but here’s a hilarious story: someone broke into my family’s house once and ignored piles of cash and gold earrings just because my room was a total disaster. Messy room? Yeah, burglars don’t stick around to deal with that chaos. Instant defense!

As a former crime reporter, I’ve seen creative hiding spots: tampon boxes, kitty litter containers, even fake outlets that are actually safes. But honestly, ask drug dealers—they have the ultimate hiding game on lockdown.

Heads up: when door-to-door salespeople come by, don’t just show them where your valuables are. Some folks literally spill the beans before checking if they're legit. Bad idea!

Had a "friend" break in once. He missed the safe on the laundry room floor because it was buried under a mountain of dirty clothes and towels. So yeah, being messy saved my bacon and $35K!

Pro tip: If your safe isn’t bolted down and easy for one or two people to carry out, guess what? It’s basically a fancy box that won’t keep much safe.

Seriously, LOCK YOUR SHED. Even if your house is tight, an unlocked shed gives burglars tools to break in. That’s like handing them the toolbox AND the blueprint.

Grandpa had a giant safe in the basement. Inside it? A smaller safe. Inside that? An even smaller one. When burglars broke in, they gave up on the tiny one. Turns out robbers get lazy fast. Safe-ception for the win!

My cranky aunt stashed cash everywhere—planters, couch arms, sewing drawers—you name it. When we cleaned up, it was like a treasure hunt. Pro tip: hide money in boring spots nobody checks.

I’m an electrician. While installing lights, we found $3,500 hidden in a wall box. The owner totally forgot about it! Honest tip: sometimes the secret spot is right under your nose.

My cousin lives in a rough neighborhood. She bought a flashy costume jewelry box from a thrift store and stashes cheap fake gems with some cash on top. The real valuables stay hidden elsewhere. Thieves grab the fake and run!

As a former school burglar (yeah, I was a troubled teen), I can swear 99% of break-ins happen via unlocked windows. Lock up tight, folks.

Fake electrical outlets turned into tiny safes? Brilliant. Burglars would need to stick around way too long to find those, so it’s probably safe to say your cash is hidden well.

Bought a new TV or laptop? Don’t just leave the box outside for everyone to see. Break it down or hide it. It’s like an open invitation to thieves.

Planning to keep a small safe right out in the open with a giant foam middle finger inside for any burglar who dares open it. Because why not mess with ‘em?

Burglars want quick loot. If it’s going to take more than a minute to get to your stuff (and trust me, they’re ready to break things to get it) they’ll say, “No thanks!” and bounce. Spy movie hiding spots? Seen ’em all.

When I was a kid, my dad and uncles scared off a burglar in our garage. The guy even asked if he could take his ladder with him! Crazy times, but my dad still has that ladder.

Please don’t post your family’s week-long vacay pics right when you’re leaving. It’s basically an open invite for thieves to hit your house while you’re gone.

My dad hid his laptop in the oven. We found out because mom smelled something weird. Then he tried the microwave. Spoiler: the laptops didn’t survive. Don’t hide electronics there.

Empty house? Grab some smart LED lights that turn on and off in different rooms throughout the day. It tricks burglars into thinking someone’s home. Stealthy and easy!

Locking your drawers? Cool, but guess what? Cheap wood drawers get pried open just as fast with a crowbar. Locks aren’t always as secure as you think.

Key racks or bowls near the door? Don’t do it. Plenty of cars get stolen because burglars grab the keys just inside your house and walk out. Keep your keys tricky to find.

Posting pics of your shiny new gadgets on Facebook? It’s a neat brag, but to a thief, it's a big ol’ shopping list. Keep those new toys on the down low.

You’d be shocked how many cars get nicked because owners leave them unlocked... with keys or valuables inside. Don’t be that person!

Saw a stat once: 90% of burglars back off when they see a home security sign—even if it’s fake. A friend bought an ADT sign off eBay just for that. Sometimes the bluff works!

The classic doormat or flowerpot spare key hiding spot is the worst. Don’t make it easy for burglars. Get a lockbox or leave a key with someone you trust instead.

Fun fact: Fire safes only protect against fire, not theft. So if a burglar finds it and it’s not bolted down, your valuables aren’t safe.

College tip: Don’t leave your expensive textbooks in the car. Someone smashed a window, snatched six books, and I lost about $700. Not fun.

Pro tip: stash small valuables inside an empty fire extinguisher. No one’s gonna mess with one of those—except a fire!