then open in external browser
and click "Open in External Browser" 
Twins at the park. One kid throws shade with, "Your birth certificate was an apology letter from the abortion clinic." The other twin punches the kid, saying, "That’s my birth certificate too!" Family burns are next-level.
Kid gets called "Carrotline, rabbits eat you all day." She fights back with "Daniel Daniel cockerspaniel, go soil yourself in the yard!" Classic preschool showdown where the comeback is as weird as the insult.
Before the internet, the show "Kids Say the Darndest Things" let us peek into the hilarious and weird world of kid talk. Thanks to parents filming fast and furious, we now get endless toddler roasts sprinkled into our daily scrolls.
These tiny comedians might be unfiltered, but their roasts are unintentionally hilarious masterpieces.
In this family, calling someone a "pinecone" leads to screaming and crying. Tried it on a kid who didn’t react because - duh - it’s not a real insult. Pinecone power!
Edit: Inbox exploded. You’re all pinecones.
Not quite a kid, but a 5-year-old told a grown-up, "I'm going to wait until there are three cars coming, and push you in the road." Meanwhile, his little sister drew a picture titled "Dumb" with a happy smile. When asked why I was happy if I was dumb, she snapped back, "Because you don’t know any better." Ouch!
Johanna Stein collected a day’s worth of insults from her 4-year-old, and wow, it’s like a comedy roast session gone adorable. Stuff like "Your tummy looks like a bagel" or "Did you even shower? 'Cause it didn’t work" sound brutal but are mostly just cute and funny.
Kids might sting with their words, but it’s all innocent fun (mostly).
Simple, pure, and savage: "If I had a nickel every time I met a guy as stupid as you, I’d have a nickel!" Short and sweet.
4-year-old girl tells dad, "Ian says I’m dumb." Dad whispers, and the girl fires back, "I’m not dumb Ian, I’m just slow." Comes with its own hilarious burn power.
Kids arguing about cars, and one yells, "My mom has a Murano!" The other shoots back, "That’s ‘cause your mom’s a morono!" Close enough to insult!
Are these kid insults mean? Nah! Experts say kids are honestly just being honest since their filters are still in training. So when they say "Your breath smells weird," they’re just stating a fact - awkwardly!
It's truth bombs delivered in the cutest, clumsiest way possible.
Eight-year-old granddaughter tells brother, "The only way you’d get hurt is if the TV exploded." Brutally funny!
Teenager throwing shade with, "I could’ve been your dad if the dog didn’t beat me climbing the stairs." Weird flex, but sure.
Babysitting niece play-arguing, and she hits with: "You’re a silly little boy, and you’ll never go to space." At 26, I felt that burn hard.
By around age 4 or 5, kids start figuring out words can make people react. This is when insults get a bit more intentional but still hilariously clumsy. Classics like "You’re as funny as a turtle" show they’re experimenting with being mean, but it’s mostly just silly trials.
Basically, it’s like they’re doing a science experiment with their words - sometimes messy, always funny.
Not classic kids but special ed students roasting each other with savage lines like, "You’re a toilet Steve… time to flush the handle." Truly legendary.
Kid drops, "You look like something that came out of a slow cooker!" Everyone confused but had to respect this weird, slow-cooked roast.
Kid A: "You’re adopted!" Kid B: "I know, mom kept the stupid one." Seven years old and already dropping savage burns.
At the end of the day, kid insults are a brief, magical mix of limited vocab, growing brains, and zero social filters. They're way funnier and weirder than grown-up roasts because kids just don’t get how to be properly mean yet.
So let’s enjoy these tiny roast masters before they graduate to the big leagues of snark.
Got a silly kid insult to share? Drop it in the comments - let’s all laugh together!
Kid 1 says: “Your mom’s so dumb she plays Counterstrike with a steering wheel!” Kid 2 instantly replies, "And she’s still beating YOU!" Mic drop.
Little kid to older brother: “You’re as funny as a turtle!” Older bro: “Wait, turtles aren’t funny?” Kid: “Exactly.” Comedy gold from 5 and 7-year-olds!
At the playground, 4-year-old to another kid: “Get back here, ya blender.” No one knows why, but it sticks in the memory. Blender? Seriously?
9-year-old to 12-year-old: “I’m so jealous of all the people that haven’t met you yet.” Epic shade with kid logic.
Disabled friend starts a story: "So I walked into the room..." Friend interrupts: "No, you didn’t." Laughter ensues. Best roast waits for no one.
On a bus: Kid 1 asks to use phone, kid 2 says, "Who you calling?" Kid 1: "Mom." Kid 2: "Oh, just hit redial." Also, two 8-year-olds fight and one says, "I got you a present!" The other says, "Is it a life? ‘Cause you can keep that, I already have one!" Childhood burns on point.
Two toddlers stuck on a heavy door. One yells "DAMMIT!" Other cries over the bad word. First toddler says, "I’m not dammiting YOU, I’m dammiting the DOOR!" Explaining toddlers is a full-time job.
4-year-old to 4-year-old: "Maybe your mum should have done a better job raising you." Straight to the point and hilariously harsh.
Kid says: "I have an Angry Birds shirt!" Sister replies: "You have two shirts - Angry Birds and 'shut your mouth'." Doesn’t fully make sense, but still hilarious.
7-year-old tells another kid that no one likes him and his parents can’t afford to put him up for adoption. Yikes, that’s brutal from little lips.
7-year-old asks teacher something, another kid blurts out, "You’re a tectonic plate movement." Too funny not to laugh, even if it’s a weird insult.
6-year-old says to her brother: "You’re like a Christmas tree but without a star." That’s just beautifully weird.
Daughter gets picked up, expects hugs and kisses, and says, "Can I just have the apple instead?" Kids’ priorities are hilarious.
A niece puts her hand on her uncle’s stomach, saying "Sorry you have such bad asthma." Turns out she thought asthma was a word for fat. Oops.
Student tells his athletic buddy: “My talent is basketball and football.” Buddy replies, "And you’re not even good at that." Ouch, teacher laughs along.
Teenage drama: a kid cries over being called a “girl scout cookie” named Do Si Do. The loser insult nobody liked but still hurts feelings.
A kid gets in trouble for calling another kid a “Hanzo Main.” Teacher’s clueless but suspects it’s an insult. Welcome to the mysterious world of kid burns.
21
0