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There was this baby staying with us for months, super cute and always dressed in fresh clothes. One note said, "[Patient] is wearing a GA Bulldogs onesie despite being in Tennessee. Will follow up with bedside staff to correct this oversight." Like, how did that sneak in?
A nurse who reviews charts all day shared their faves: “Patient is on a gargantuan amount of sedation,” “Bobo (stuffed animal) is at bedside,” and the classic: “Patient is passing large amounts of flatus, but I suspect this is near his baseline, as he told me 'I can really rip them.'” Medical notes with sass!
A pulmonologist diagnosing depression admits she thinks the patient should get meds but adds, she’ll just “stay in her lane.” It’s like doctor speak for “I'm not the boss here, but I have thoughts.”
Medical notes are supposed to be straightforward and super clear - just the important stuff doctors and nurses need to know to keep patients safe. No long stories or drama, just the facts. But sometimes things get a bit more... interesting.
One note from a NICU patient assessment simply states, “Mohawk is a little flat today.” Just imagine a tiny baby rocking a mohawk - then having it smooshed down. Adorable and funny!
Nephrology decided to get poetic with a frequent patient’s consult note. It’s basically a rap about missed dialysis and blood work, ending with dialysis orders like a mic drop. Because why not turn medical notes into slam poetry?
During early COVID days, a note reads: "Pt wife became concerned and drove pt with great haste to emergency department." Apparently, her 'great haste' included crashing into a temporary tent. Now that’s some intense ER drama!
Tech glitches, rushed typing, and auto-filling can turn serious notes into hilarious bloopers. Imagine a doctor’s voice-to-text going wild or someone copy-pasting wrong info. Oops! These funny mix-ups sneak their way right onto the charts.
Some notes just make you lol: “1. [Patient] is his usual obese self. 2. Lives with his girlfriend of 26 years, whose name he cannot recall.” Staying honest, I guess!
Not a doctor, but a respiratory therapist wrote, “Refused to give pt treatment due to screaming and cussing out staff. Mad rude and disrespectful.” Guess some notes are just straight talk!
In a heart failure ICU, a patient munches on Taco Bell during rounds. When warned about salt, he says he’s “eating it slowly.” Because slow Taco Bell eating totally counts as healthy, right?
Doctors sometimes use humor to survive the chaos and stress. A little sarcasm or dry jokes help them bond and keep sane. But don’t worry, these jokes usually stay behind the scenes, so no offense intended.
Why was vitamin C ordered? The note clears it up: “this be treatment for scurvy.” Old-school yet charmingly clear!
In psych, a doctor wrote the order: “Pt may sleep with therapist.” They meant “speak.” That’s a wild way to say therapy, but also kinda funny.
One patient’s reason for visit was simply: "I’m allergic to circles." Now THAT’S a mystery diagnosis if we ever heard one.
Even patients can unintentionally make notes funny. When they describe symptoms in odd or colorful ways, doctors write it down word-for-word, which can sound downright silly or bizarre in the notes.
Patient was extubated days ago, but the notes still say “intubated on full support.” Someone really loves copy-pasting too much. Pro tip: double-check your notes!
One cardiologist told a patient, “If you want to ignore the American Heart Association’s advice, feel free to consult your local shaman.” That’s some spicy doctor sass!
Nothing beats a doctor casually calling a chest X-ray “looking crazy.” Sounds like the perfect way to describe medical chaos.
At the end of the day, these hilarious notes show the human - and goofy - side of medicine. We’ve rounded up a bunch of the weirdest, funniest snippets straight from doctors’ charts. Ready to laugh and maybe shake your head a little? Let’s dive in!
A social worker described a simple-thinking patient as having “a strong foundation in concrete thinking.” Yup, that’s one way to put it!
One note reads: “I simply could not tell if the patient was minimally happy or consistently angry.” We feel you, doc. Mood swings are tough!
Note says, “Patient complaining of pain at tip of male organ.” Turns out the patient was a woman who never had one. Oops, medical mystery or just a paperwork mix-up?
A hospitalist wrote, “Patient claims to have knowledge of the afterlife.” Turns out the patient talked about it nonstop. Sweet and spooky!
Simple but funny: “Patient appears way older than biological age.” Sometimes looks really do tell a story.
One cardiology note reports a patient said, “My private part is all swollen,” but the doctor didn’t check it out. Meanwhile, an MD wrote, “Patient claims to have made two hole-in-ones in a golf tournament. I don't believe it; that would be impossible.” Funny and skeptical!
First line of an internal med consult reads: “I believe I was consulted on this patient because this guy just showed up in my list because of an order placed in Epic.” That’s one way to say ‘I have no clue what’s going on.’
One patient had a Costco-sized bucket of chewing tobacco. So the note says: “Pt has bucket of nicotine in room.” Somehow that sounds hilarious and intense all at once.
The Infectious Disease doc loves to write “__ is a very unpleasant __-year-old” on charts for rude patients. Straight shooter alert!
A surgeon known for being vocal and dramatic basically dictates reports like he’s performing a one-man show. Funny, yes. You might want popcorn for those reads.
One note mentioned a patient inhaling a mummified dog and then just went with “???”. Same here, doc, same here.
Dictation gone wrong: “father had a brain.” Hilarious how a little missing word can make big difference. We’re still laughing.
Intensivist jokes, “The only help this patient needed from me was finding his nasal cannula in his blanket.” Sometimes that’s all it takes!
A social worker wrote, “Client introduced writer to her cat (a stuffed toy) and fed it butter with a spoon. Butter was everywhere on the couch.” Kids and their toys, right?
Patient said: “I have pain in my heart for 3 weeks, yesterday and this morning everything went dark.” The note reads like a sad little poem. We’re touched.
Nurse transcribed pediatrician’s quote describing a sick infant as having “head the size of a basketball with the body of a skeleton.” Yikes, but kinda funny in a dark way.
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