Wait, People Seriously Thought That Was Their Diagnosis?!

My mom started having trouble moving her right hand and elbow. Doctors said fatty tumors, no big deal. Then she kept getting weaker, tripping toward her right side, and talking got hard. After months, she was in a wheelchair but the neurologist thought she was faking it. Turns out it was ALS all along. Lesson? When a patient or family throws out a possible diagnosis, don’t scoff - maybe they’re onto something.

Someone brought their dog in, convinced the little bumps lined up on its belly were some kind of growths. Vet took one look and said, “That’s just nipples.” Mystery solved.

Guy shows up bleeding from a nail gun prickle, but he says the pain is just a mild 3/10. Everyone’s baffled. Then he explains: hot bacon grease splashed on his freakin’ private parts one morning after a steamy wakeup - now that was a 10/10 pain. Honestly, can’t argue with that logic.

A woman in labor was convinced her awful stomach pain was just gas that wouldn’t pass, even though she was pushing her baby out. When they showed her the newborn, she said, “That’s not mine! I have gas!” The nurse just shrugged and said, "Well, here's your gas. It's a boy!" Talk about a surprise.

A guy shows up with his foot smelling so awful he’s literally got it inside a tied-off plastic bag. He insists he’s totally fine and wants to go home. The docs? Not buying it. Some people just can’t admit they need help!

A guy stormed into the clinic looking to buy exercise bands for shoulder rehab but refused an assessment because he “already knew” he’d torn his labia. He didn’t want correction, but it turns out he meant labrum. Oooops.

A guy came in convinced he only had gingivitis and needed a regular cleaning. He refused x-rays and deep cleaning despite gums bleeding when smiling. He blamed his dentist for trying to make money. Spoiler: dentist just wanted to save his gums.

Patient insisted she had a fever, but the thermometer said no. When the doctor said it wasn’t a fever, she said, “I’m not sure they taught you this in med school, but when Asians get fevers, their temperatures don’t rise.” The doctor? Missed that lecture for sure.

Mom rushed her kids to the doc for weird bumps on the back of their tongues. Doc diagnosed taste buds. Yep, perfectly normal stuff. Panic over!

A patient booked an emergency appointment convinced a mole showed up overnight and was cancer. Five seconds in, the ‘mole’ wiped right off - it was melted chocolate. Sweet and not scary.

Working in physical therapy, once had a guy with dementia say, “I know I’m in pain... but I just can’t remember where.” Made the staff laugh (nicely) because it was just so unique.

A paramedic says a young guy showed up complaining of chest pain and claimed to have pericarditis. Tests confirmed it. How this guy knew is still a mystery.

A psychotic patient insisted he had ‘kittens playing inside his chest.’ No kitten magic, just atrial fibrillation and palpitations. Still sounds more fun though.

A patient was convinced he had parasites and tried to treat them by drinking household cleaners. When he started seizing, he just thought the parasites were fighting back and drank more. Yikes.

A paramedic went to urgent care with bad abdominal pain. Doc was sure it was appendicitis but couldn’t find the appendix. Patient then remembered he’d had it removed as a kid. Surprise!

Someone had a disorder where the symptoms were in their head, so they lost ability to walk for weeks and thought they were dying. One night in hospital, they convinced themselves they were fine and just got up and walked off. Awkward but true.

A vet student saw a dude with an aggressive dog who said some homeopathic shaman online told him the dog had 'neural instability.' The owner wanted the vet to rub a $200 healing stone on the dog. The vet was not sold.

Many families believe their autistic child’s diagnosis means ‘artistic’. Spoiler: it doesn’t, but it kinda sounds similar.

Pharmacist gets patients screaming they have Stevens-Johnson syndrome based on rash Googled on WebMD. Actual diagnosis? Contact dermatitis from laundry soap. Calm down, soap is the culprit.

A woman showed up with a cold that wouldn’t quit and begged for antibiotics. She got worse and worse till testing finally revealed AIDS with a dangerously low CD4 count. Sadly, she didn’t make it.

Patient was sure she was pregnant because of weight gain but her pee tests were all negative. Turns out she’d been eating nothing but chicken wings for weeks because she loved them. Not pregnant, just hungry.

ER doc had a patient claiming Morgellons disease who brought a ziplock bag full of ‘wires and fibers’ he'd pulled out. The patient truly believed it. Weird, unsettling, and fascinating.

In the ER, a guy kept yelling he was about to pass out. A doctor passed by and said, “You’re in a hospital bed, so if you faint, you’ll probably be fine.” Probably the most practical pep talk ever.

Woman came in saying it wasn’t a heart attack like the last 19 times she came in. It was different this time - all turned out to be a real heart attack. She refused transport and sadly died.

I convinced myself I had cancer every day for a year because my throat hurt. Thanks, WebMD! Thankfully, I’m still here.

Old lady swears she produces too much electricity and avoids computers, cash registers, and gas pumps to avoid blowing them up. Truth? She’s just confused by technology and doesn’t wear her glasses.

Friend obsessed with MS symptoms on Google, convinced she had it. Then half her right side went numb. Doctors initially said no, but later MRI confirmed advanced MS. Scary turn of events.

Patient was sure lumps in neck and shoulder had to be cancer. Doc examined and said, nope, just muscle damage forming giant knots. Knots are healing. Doctor wins.

27-year-old with every tooth rotted refused to get teeth pulled or dentures. When asked what did it, mom blurted: "A dentist told me to mix cheap mouthwash with peroxide and rinse." Teeth wrecked for sure.

Had a painful toe infection treated with antibiotics before. New doc wanted surgery right away, but patient held out for old doctor’s return, who prescribed antibiotics again. Lesson? Get a second opinion.

An uneducated woman brought her small dog with a nasty abscess on the lower belly and claimed chicken bones came out after popping it. Doctors were shocked to find her story was real - bones had perforated through the intestine.

Patient came in with chest pain, passed out, oxygen dangerously low. ER doc tried to send her home saying it was stress. She refused to leave and insisted on tests. Turns out, she had a pulmonary embolism and stayed hospitalized for days.

Woman’s throat swelled so much she couldn’t swallow her own spit. Doctors tested multiple times and insisted it was mono. Finally at ER, they checked again - severe tonsillitis that almost blocked her airway.

Student missed rehearsal because of bruises all over his legs. The diagnosis from the doctor? The bruises were marks from wearing dirty jeans. Mystery solved.

Dude in the ’70s kept coming in claiming colon cancer but showed no signs. Doc said if you want, I’ll write you a note saying you don’t have it. Patient stopped complaining and they stayed pals for decades. Love this story.

Woman convinced someone was stealing her Klonopin, so she swallowed all 45 pills at once. Tried to avoid charcoal treatment because she thought we were stealing them, too. A wild ride from an ER rotation.

Overweight woman claimed she was pregnant and the baby’s foot was poking out. Calmly waiting for help. Turns out she wasn’t pregnant at all. Just a wild imagination.

My sister has endometriosis and PCOS, so she’s decided she’s the family doctor diagnosing me with these too. Even though I only have normal cramps and irregular periods, she freaks when I don’t see a doctor. Classic armchair doc move.

Difficult psych patient started yelling she couldn’t see at all. Turned out the lens of her glasses had fallen off and landed in her shirt pocket. Crisis averted!

Lady with ascites walked around rubbing her swollen belly like it was a pregnancy bump, totally convincing others she was expecting. Nope, just fluid buildup.

Young kid had joint pain, neck stiffness, and a bull’s-eye tick bite but doctors refused to test for Lyme disease because it supposedly can’t happen in California. It took months to diagnose, and it was pretty advanced by then.

A patient waited eight hours in the ER for what turned out to be chapped lips. Another waited the same time over a single mosquito bite, worried about bleeding to death. Hospitals, man.

Little old lady brought a live chicken to the clinic claiming it held her deceased husband's spirit causing nightmares. Doc told her he couldn't help with that, and she left with her chicken. Real healing has many forms.

Had a patient who was certain her anti-malaria pills caused her to get typhoid fever. Spoiler: it didn’t.

A young man showed up convinced he had black lung from working in coal mines. Tests were normal. When asked how long he worked there, he said ‘just one day.’ Not quite black lung material yet.

One paramedic walked into a room where a woman was yelling about a heart attack amid a pretty gross situation with lots of mess. Paramedic just watched a Nat Geo water buffalo show on the TV. Priorities.