Wait, Doctors Said WHAT?! 66 Wild Things Medical Pros Actually Told Patients

Had an MRI appointment and the neurologist pulls up my brain scan and drops, "COR! You've got a lovely looking brain! Delicious!" Yup, that actually happened. Also, a dad once got told he had the prostate of a 30-year-old and just deadpan asked if he should give it back. Classic dad moves.

When asked if eating bananas would fix low potassium, doc said, "You'd have to eat two and a half feet of bananas a day." Wait...what unit of banana is that? Do bananas measure in feet now? Weird but at least doable, right?

Living in Japan and sick with the flu, a doctor told this patient their cholesterol was too low and suggested eating junk food to fix it. The best part? When told they were leaving for the States soon, the doc gave a thumbs-up and said "Great!" I mean, who doesn’t love a little junk food love from their doc?

During an abdominal ultrasound, the tech leaned in and whispered, "You have a spectacularly photogenic spleen." Now THAT'S a compliment you don't hear every day. Should this be on the resume? Cause, why not?

Doctor: "Are you sure you’ve never given birth?" Patient: “Yes, pretty sure. I would remember that, thanks.” Awkward!

One patient was told her breasts had "the perfect ratio of fat, water, and fibre." Her response? "Thanks! It’s my own secret recipe." Gotta love those unexpected compliments!

Surgeon’s honest moment: “I make my living cutting people up, but please don’t let me do that just so I can pay off my Porsche.” Funny and a little too real!

After a back x-ray at 13, the ortho doctor announced, "You have the perfect birthing canal." The patient and her mom were caught off guard. Years later, three kids later, and the doctor wasn’t wrong - just odd.

A nurse told this patient transitioning that doctors often ignore women more. Weird to hear, sad to realize. Medical truths aren’t always fun!

Doctor proudly announced sharing a patient’s rare kidney photo at a medical conference. The kidney had a rare pouch causing stones and the photo was so cool it became a teaching moment. Fame is real, folks!

A doctor told a mom in the ’90s that her child on the spectrum “doesn’t have a soul” and should be locked up. Yikes. Definitely not something anyone wants to hear from a professional.

Patient: “Been married 8 years, never had symptoms.” Doctor: "You have chlamydia." Doc just sat there waiting for her to connect the dots. Oof.

Doctor poked a gallbladder during exam and it flinched! The patient felt it too. Then residents took turns poking it like it was a party trick. Told them to stop because, hello, not a cadaver!

After a colonoscopy, doctor told patient they had a “young colon.” Instant boost to their colon street cred. Who knew colon age was a thing?

OB told a patient (identified as White) she shouldn't get her tubes tied because “we need more of us” in the world. The patient shut that down with “No, I don’t know what you mean,” and later avoided that doc forever. Cringe!

Urgent care doc saw a kid swollen from a bee sting and gave a small scream of horror walking in. Yep, not the reaction you want but kind of understandable given the Quasimodo look kid was rocking.

Nurse did the very first pap smear on a patient and afterwards put a hand on her shoulder and sincerely thanked her. Way to make an awkward test a little less awkward!

Post-surgery, patient asked doc for ideas on a stubborn IV site that wouldn’t heal. Doc’s reply? “Did you Google it?” Well, that’s one way to delegate detective work!

While removing moles, doctor asked if patient liked fishing and offered the moles as bait. Weird professor vibes but also kinda genius if you like eco-friendly fishing.

Doctor kept saying weird stuff like "Why’s your hair gray so young?" “You lost weight, too skinny now,” and “I saw you in my dream.” Are you a doctor or a mystery novelist?

One gyno left the room, saying, "One size doesn’t fit all!" when grabbing a different clamp. Later joked about ‘‘no one shaves in winter’ when patient wasn’t mentally ready for a full pap smear. Oof, timing is everything!

After blatantly hitting on a patient, the doctor said, "I probably shouldn’t be hitting on you." Oh, you definitely shouldn’t. Plus, he broke patient privacy rules right after. Smooth move…not.

Patient got a skin tag cut off their armpit, but the doc forgot armpit hair is flammable and set it on fire. Definitely a hot mess!

After finding out a patient was Jewish, the optometrist shut the door, turned off the lights, and went on about Mormon temples, saying Jews and Mormons are the same. Weird and creepy. Patient never went back, and doc eventually left town. Go figure.

Woke up at 5 a.m. to a doctor’s whisper: “I told you to go to the hospital.” Except he never said that, and it was after the patient was hospitalized for serious clots. Drama ensued, doc got reported, and goodbye!

Doctor told a 5’5", 115-pound patient to lose 15 pounds for physical therapy. The therapists were confused, the patient was upset, and we’re all just wondering what happened here.

Doctor asked if anyone ever noticed a forehead wrinkle, then pulled out a protractor to measure it. And that’s how the patient got a tentative diagnosis for Ehlers Danlos. Because math can totally be medical!

At a children’s hospital, doc casually told a 12-year-old with pectus excavatum that some women like the condition because it makes breasts look bigger. And the dad was right there. Yikes!

At summer checkup, doc put a hand on patient’s leg and said, “Cut down on cookies if you want to keep wearing those shorts.” Long after, cookie cravings won, but the comment stuck!

Patient told they had cancer and the doctor’s first words were, “It’s not the end of the world.” Optimistic or just weird timing? You decide.

Doc said when he got optical migraines, he grabbed black coffee and a cigarette to make them go away. He wasn’t a smoker but kept smokes just in case. Odd remedy with surprising results!

OBGYN asked if patient was squeamish and then jabbed a q-tip into a c-section incision, causing fluid to erupt like a mini volcano. Definitely memorable OB visit!

Doctor casually commented on newborn’s legs, saying "He's got cute legs, just like his mom." Not weird, just sweet?

Patient got told, “You’ve put on so much weight since last time, I was going to ask you to open wide and say ‘oink!’” Not exactly gentle, but haha?

When Diet Coke switched to aspartame, patient asked doc if it was safe. Doc said, “We might find out if we get bladder cancer in 30 years.” Fast forward 30 years: bladder cancer diagnosis. Spooky or just life?

Psychiatrist told a patient, “You’re cute when you’re angry,” implying that’s why no one takes her seriously. Not exactly helpful!

Surgeon of a young brain cancer patient optimistically said, "Many people live a good 30 more years after this." That’s one way to put a limit on hope!

Patient’s mom was told by an eye doctor, “Have you thought about losing weight? Try the bike a few times a week.” Because, sure, losing weight is the eye doc’s specialty! Spoiler: never went back.

After examining a 15-year-old girl for tummy pain, the ER doc told a crowded waiting room, “Sir, your daughter is in labor.” Dad had no clue. Thanks for the sensitivity, doc.

Doctor told patient to stop drinking coffee for two weeks to help migraines. Patient said they don’t drink coffee. Doc replied, “Okay, try drinking coffee for two weeks and come back.” Head-scratcher!

After bleeding nonstop for over two years from a failed birth control implant, the doc said, “If this is an improvement from normal life then you just get used to it.” Uh, no thanks.

Patient went to renew birth control pills and was bluntly told, “You may as well have it all taken out if you’re not going to use it.” Hmmm, thanks for the advice?

Doc prescribed anti-malaria meds, and when patient got sick, he said, “You’ve got malaria? Cool! What was it like?” Because that’s exactly what you want to hear when you’re dying!

Patient explained severe mood swings from birth control implant, headaches, pain, and trouble sleeping. Doc’s response? “Why are you crying?” Comfort level: zero.

Patient asked about acne, doctor pushed her head down, lifted shirt, and kept accusing her of eating lots of McDonald’s, despite no evidence. Now that’s a reason to not trust docs!

Doc used body fat calipers on 12-year-old sitting down (which is wrong) and told her she was morbidly obese. The patient was 5'8" and 120 pounds. Rookie mistake!

After years of build-up, finally a doc bluntly said, “You’re really fat.” No sugarcoating here!

Patient with very dense bones got told by doc, “You’re a truck trying to run on a Fiat 500 engine.” That’s one way to describe your body shape!

Doc told patient, “I’ve never seen a mole that grows hair! Mind if I take a photo? Might get you in a medical textbook!” Who knew moles could have celebrity status?

After patient had a yeast infection during pregnancy, doctor took one look, said “EWW!” then left. Turned out doc had just stepped behind a curtain. Oops?

Doc casually told a patient, “Your knees look like they’re from two different bodies.” Okay… that’s a new one!

A MAGA-heavy doctor said, “The only one in the office who hasn't gotten Covid is the receptionist, and she got the vaccine!” Yep, office drama for days.

While poking at a throat thrush, doc told patient: “You should get a job or hobby; you have way too much time to think about yourself.” That’s doctor talk for, “Mind your own business!”

Before draining a sinus, doc warned, “If you’re lucky, you’ll pass out from the pain.” Patient did not. Brave or hardcore? You decide.

Because smiling totally means you’re not depressed, right? This doc got the classic wrong diagnosis.

Doctor yelled at patient for doubting old glasses script that gave headaches. Not the way to make friends in an exam room!

During a gyno exam, doctor found a folded shirt showing a TV show her patient really loved and said, “You must be really excited for tonight!” Awkward fun moment.

After diagnosis with idiopathic hypersomnia, doctor called patient “a clinically sleepy girl.” Not exactly the bedside manner you want.

Before colonoscopy, doctor said, “I’ll ram it in and you’ll be through in no time.” Patient blinked and asked, “‘Ram’???” No sugarcoating here!

Doctor thought patient was faking illness, but tests showed 90 nocturnal seizures every hour, many potentially fatal. Hope doc got an updated diagnosis!

Doctor grabbed patient by the chest and asked how long gynecomastia had been an issue. Patient answered, “I thought I was just getting fat.” Awkward anatomy talk!

Patient frustrated with American medical system hearing “No physicals,” “No cancer screenings because you’re too young,” and “We have to treat you like a new patient.” Health hoops, yikes.

First time with new doctor, asked repeatedly if patient drinks alcohol even after patient said no. Shady behavior. Patient never went back.

Doctor didn’t want his golf ball to hit a pesky branch so he went out at night and cut it down himself. Take that, obstacle!

Doctor jokingly told 17-year-old male patient, “Maybe you’re pregnant,” when patient mentioned weird cravings. All in good fun, thankfully!

Doctor told patient calorie counting doesn’t work and just to eat less. Patient thinks, “How do you know how much to eat if you don’t count?” Also scoffed at patient’s weight loss. Not inspiring!