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Anesthesia is like a magic sleepy potion that makes painful procedures much easier to handle. But it also turns people into chatty comedians who say the wildest things. Ready for some laughs? Let’s dive right in.
Here come some hilarious stories from patients under anesthesia. If you’ve got funny anesthesia moments, share ’em below!
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So, I’m not a doctor, just the patient here. I had to get my wisdom teeth yanked out because they were a total mess. When I woke up, the nurse asked my name like a quiz. I looked her dead in the eyes and said, “I’m a lesbian.”
Plot twist? My parents were right there. Surprise, family!
Every time I woke up from anesthesia (dental implant, colonoscopy - you name it), I asked if I was out of it. When the nurse said yes, I asked, “Is Trump still president?”
Her: “Yep.”
Me: “Put me back under!”
Patient comes in with trauma and gets meds. Immediately, they say, “I’m deaaaaaad.”
Doc says, “Nope, you’re okay, we’re here.”
Patient: “I’m a ghoooooost. Whooooooo!” *waves arms spooky style*
Classic ghost vibes.
My Italian dad wakes up from anesthesia, looks at his Asian nurse, and tells her he’s so glad his daughter is there. Then he says he loves his daughter. The nurses checked the waiting room for the daughter - surprise! It was just little ol’ me. I’m Korean by birth but adopted by this Italian crew.
My brother had top surgery and when he woke up, he started rambling about Abe Lincoln being a great guy. When asked how he knew, he said, "I knew him back in 'Nam."
So apparently, my brother and Abe Lincoln fought side-by-side in Vietnam. Wild times.
I was throwing up like crazy after waking up. Nearby were those cardboard sick buckets. I flipped one upside down and realized it looked like a tiny fedora. So every nurse who walked by got a fancy tip and a "Milady." Classy, right?
My mom was waking up, puckered her lips big time. So I picked up her water cup and asked, "Want some?"
She turned her face my way and snapped, "Do I LOOK like an AIRPLANE?!"
Nurses and I lost it. Mom still gets teased about that.
First time waking up, I asked the nurse if I could "fight" by Monday. That meant could I teach my wrestling class. Later, my wife ran into CVS to drop off my prescriptions and left me in the running car with the door open.
I wandered inside and stood in the frozen dairy aisle clutching German chocolate ice cream claiming, "I need this because my people made it."
Car was still running with the door wide open. Oops.
Patient wakes up from surgery and lets out a fart so loud that the whole unit hears it. Then she says, “I was trying to clear my throat, excuse me. Also, I want a vanilla latte - I’ve got a headache.”
Medical pros tried not to laugh, but the other patients lost it.
This woman was horrified at the idea of eating asparagus, kept saying she didn’t like it - especially with eggs - and kept turning down what she thought they were offering her. Asparagus drama in the house!
During delirium, a patient grandly gestures around and says, “(nurse’s name), meet all my friends!”
Except, there were no friends - just an empty room. Classic anesthesia confusion.
During a C-section, this woman told doctors to show her baby first to her brother-in-law because he deserved it. Makes you wonder what happened next in that marriage.
18-year-old girl “recognizes” the (male) anesthesiologist from Tinder and accuses him multiple times of ghosting her. Half-asleep, she mumbles that she’s not mad, just disappointed - and admits he’s pretty.
I dislocated my shoulder with my arm stuck over my head. While on Demerol, I was laughing hysterically as the doctor wrestled my arm back in place. Don’t remember a thing.
Recovering after surgery, patient got emotional meds that make people super sentimental. Woke up flirty, calling the nurse attractive, then got upset because she was thirsty. After being offered ice chips, she sang “I hate to see you leave but I love to see you go” and then cried, scared she scared the nurse off.
After surgery, told I had to use a plastic urinal, I said: "I ain’t gonna poo on a plastic tupper. If I pass out on the toilet like a hero, then let it be." Heroic poop vibes!
While getting my wisdom teeth prepped for removal, I asked the dentist why he became a dentist. He told a touching story about a kid who broke his teeth and got them fixed. Then I looked him dead in the eyes and said, “Well, that’s a stupid reason to become a dentist.” Sorry, Doc!
In third grade and scared before anesthesia, I was promised Burger King breakfast after. They ran behind schedule, so I nervously asked the time when I woke up. It was 9:30, and I tried to jump up, nearly pulling out my IV. Tried to be told no and cried because I might miss breakfast.
Don’t worry, I got that breakfast eventually.
Woman wakes up from surgery and looks at her husband wide-eyed: “David! That alarm clock has a nose and it’s running! Wipe it!”
Alarm clocks suddenly seem much scarier now.
Woke up sobbing, convinced I was married to Cedric Diggory and that Voldemort had just done him in. Major Harry Potter feels and lots of cringing after. Inconsolable is an understatement.
Had double jaw surgery and knew I could still talk because they only used rubber bands, not wires. Woke up trying to sign instead! Nurses were totally lost - "Uh, we don’t know sign language, honey." I’m sure it wasn’t great sign language anyway.
I sat straight up in bed and shouted, "I DIDN'T ASK FOR THIS!" then turned to a nurse and pleaded, "Okay, ma’am?"
Drama levels: 1000.
After getting 4 wisdom teeth out, I woke up in a chair and asked where I was. Nurse said dentist. I yelled, “STILL?????? JESUS CHRIST.”
Later, I tried to catch a turtle in the parking lot and laughed my head off at it.
The most memorable one: a guy sat bolt upright, mimed rolling a cigarette, and tucked it behind his ear "saving it for ‘ron" when asked what he was doing.
Anaesthesia, man - wild ride. The kids usually scream when waking up.
A girl got grounded from age 15 to 18 because after being sedated for a colonoscopy, she mumbled, "No, not again, [boyfriend’s name], it hurt last time."
Mom was NOT amused.
After gallbladder surgery, I became obsessed with the order of the 12 Days of Christmas song. I kept asking nurses about the verses. As they wheeled me away, a nurse sang "Five golden rings!" and everyone laughed. Holiday spirit, anesthesia style.
Grandma was loopy post-surgery, got her lunch with a roll and a tiny pat of butter. She looked at grandpa and said, “I hope they don’t expect me to eat ALL THAT BUTTER!” Classic!
When my mom woke up from back surgery, she asked the nurse, “Am I a broccoli or a cauliflower?”
Veggie fears are real.
As I was going under, I described my fingers feeling like French fries - but not the crispy kind. The ones you put in the microwave and they get all soggy and sad.
Grandma broke her wrist and looked like she was on a cross. When asked how she felt, she said in a flat tone, “I am Jesus Christ.”
Meanwhile, I had cavities filled and started singing Christmas carols (badly) while floating in anesthesia space. Dentist and assistant loved it.
My uncle kept saying a nurse was a werewolf when she left. When I woke from wisdom teeth removal, I asked where my teeth were. They were gone! I said, “But I need them for the tooth fairy. That jerk owes me lots.”
Mom had to confess, “I’m the tooth fairy.”
Awkward.
I gave a kid methoxyflurane after he broke his arm. In the pediatric ER, he started telling a story about a unicorn trying to be friends with Elmo, but Elmo wasn’t feeling it. His mum and I chuckled while I pried a whistle from his hands.
I’m an anesthesiologist. After surgery, I called a patient’s name loudly. He jolted awake, sat straight up, and snapped “Sir, yes sir!”
He was in the military at the time. Perfect timing.
When my sister got her wisdom teeth out, she screamed the whole car ride home. Once near our house, she jumped out and sprinted home like she was racing the car.
Need to find that video ASAP.
While coming out of anesthesia, I kept asking about puppies I swore I heard barking. I just wanted to see them and find out why they were there. No one else heard the barking, though, and I was so upset.
Vet tech here. Our Husky came out of anesthesia and lifted his head to say “thank you” like a real human voice. We stared at each other like, did that just happen?!?
My wife has had many surgeries, and once she was in a great mood post-op reciting the lyrics to Gangsta’s Paradise by Coolio.
She became known as the gangsta rap lady on the ward.
I was a doctor who needed knee surgery. My anesthesiologist was a friend’s dad. After meds, I told him the block wasn’t working, told him to do it higher, tried to grab his needle, and complained the bed was cold.
We still laugh at that.
I spontaneously sing songs when waking from anesthesia - like Bonnie M’s "Rasputin" or the Spider-Man theme. The doctor even sang along once, which was awesome.
Also once called a nurse a strong elf. History lectures and silly stuff, all included.
After a septoplasty, I woke up insisting I didn’t want the surgery and wanted to put it back how it was. Then when being wheeled out, I bolted 20 feet before exiting, sprinting across the parking lot to the wrong car.
Dad chased me. Lucky no faceplants or cars involved.
Heard about a guy who, waking from anesthesia, made a Futurama joke and told the doctor to tell his wife he said hello. The kicker? The guy was single.
A guy who fractured his jaw woke up with pants half down and a weird bladder feeling. He got mad, shouting he was in his own house and wanted to pull up his pants himself.
After five minutes of chaos, a very angry "MATE! WOULD YOU SHUT UP?" snapped him back to reality. Instant apology followed.
Had a colonoscopy at 15. Apparently, I said, “Doc, after that, you owe me dinner and a movie.”
Thankfully, the doctor agreed.
Waking up from appendectomy, I grabbed the nurse’s hand and asked, “Was it successful?”
She sighed. It’s a pretty basic operation, not rocket science.
Coming out of anesthesia during an esophagus scope, nurse felt my stomach and said, “Good, nice and soft.”
The groggy reply: “That’s because I don’t work out.”
During surgical training, I prepped an anxious colonoscopy patient who acted shy and nervous. As sedation kicked in, she turned, grabbed my arm, and said, “You know, Doc? I bet you’re good with the ladies.” Then she fell asleep.
Classic anesthesia charm.
Waking from surgery, my brother laughed non-stop. When he finally got words out, he said, “Mom, hahaha, you’re so ugly!”
Mama’s boy or savage roast? You decide.
Just before anesthesia, as a kid, I looked up and said, “Da fishies are movin’.”
Fish stickers making an impression!
Every time I wake from anesthesia, I ask nurses for food. Then I complain about not being allowed to eat in recovery, insisting I was a good girl and fasted.
By the time I get to my room, there’s food waiting - and it tastes like the best meal ever.
We sedated an older lady to fix a shoulder dislocation. The doctor muttered a couple of words in Spanish - and she corrected his pronunciation awake.
Another confused patient had a poop explosion. She swore a man did it, but it was obviously her.
Trying not to laugh while calming her was tough.
Recovering from wisdom teeth removal, I recited Jabberwocky nonsense to focus and wake up. Luckily, no one came in because I’d have had to explain talking gibberish.
My sister, fully straight, asked her female nurse to take her on a date to McDonald’s.
My uncle woke up singing Britney Spears’ “Hit Me Baby One More Time,” thinking he was Britney.
Me? Waiting to see if I do something goofy during my upcoming surgery.
Son went in for a minor procedure. Being a typical dad, I told him they’d shave all his hair off.
He woke up and kept asking the nurse if he still had eyebrows. Anxiety level: Dad jokes confirmed.
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