Wait, Parents Actually Raised These Mini Monsters? (35 Surprisingly Wild Stories)

I used my kid’s bathroom and noticed the toilet paper roll was on backwards. Asked who did it. Their answer? “Does it really matter which way it goes?” Instant parent horror moment.

My 13-year-old son hates pizza, but he jams to Nickelback and cheers for the Patriots. If he were on Facebook, I’d totally unfriend him.

Not me, but my parents told this one. My brother used to be the ‘naughty kid’ - shoplifting and throwing fits. Then he stole things from a cabin and set it on fire... only to pawn the loot at a local shop and get caught on camera. Safe to say, they knew they had a problem.

My 11-year-old son called 911 saying I slapped him. He even took a selfie with a red mark. Spoiler: I didn’t. And months later, he claimed I made him send a rude photo to his dad. Mystery motives here.

My 6-year-old is obsessed with human insides... like actual surgeries. She also loves stopping to check out animals hit on the road. We’re hoping for a future doctor, not a mad scientist.

My daughter played Half-Life 2 and immediately noticed the place was filthy. So she picked up all the trash in the game and threw it away before playing. Video game hero right there!

While potty training, my 2-year-old figured out she could pee, get a chocolate chip, wait, then do it again for more treats. Little genius gaming the system!

After a big fight with his mom, their daughter walked over, smiled, said “Mommy’s crying,” then giggled loud enough for Mom to hear. So yep, parenting just got trickier.

My son throws away cookies and candy but happily munches on veggies. Absolute monster in my book.

My oldest son shows no conscience, has beaten his wives, and ignores his daughters but spoils his son. Parents can’t blame themselves forever when the monster’s different than the others.

When chatting about him taking care of me when I get old, my son casually said he’d just look for the cheapest nursing home. Ouch.

In a grocery parking lot, my son screamed “YOU’RE NOT MY MOMMY!” with this evil smirk while I panicked. Lesson learned and now I can laugh... mostly.

My 3-year-old spent a five-hour car ride screaming to wake up her 4-month-old sister. No stops, just pure endurance screaming.

Watched my little guy grab a plastic bat, eye his older bro, and smash him on the head like a baseball champ. No hesitation, just pure instinct.

Not my kid, but my mom found out she was raising a little jerk. While shopping for baby clothes with my pregnant aunt, my brother said: “What’s the point buying clothes if the baby isn’t gonna live?” Oof.

Guy I worked for had a troublesome younger son. Once, when they were stranded, the kid sneaked up and turned off a stranger’s car key after it was jumped. Boss knew his kid was trouble after that moment.

My 3-year-old dipped cantaloupe in ketchup and ate a whole plate of it. The mix makes zero sense, but hey, kids do what they want.

Family lore says months after sister was born, grandma caught me going into her room with a claw-hammer. When asked why, I stared then said “Nothing,” dropped the hammer and sulked off. Hmm...

Our cat got fixed. The 11-year-old son was super sweet asking if she’s sad about no babies. The 7-year-old asked if we’d get a cash settlement if she doesn’t recover. Same house, totally different vibes.

One kid thought pouring hot water on dad would be hilarious. Another time, our daughter and stepson plotted at length how to chop me up and get rid of the evidence. Sweet family vibes!

Kid got a tiny Fisher Price trampoline. Then was invited to a giant indoor trampoline place. When asked if he wanted to go, he made a super sassy face and said, “I have one.” Talk about confidence.

Before walking, my son was climbing baby gates, windows, bunk beds. Before opening a snack, he unlocked the front door. Almost ended in disaster a few times. We even gave him a leash, but he just played cops and robbers with his siblings and took it off. I officially give up.

As kids, me and my brother dragged a watermelon up the stairs and then rolled it down, smashing it on the carpet. Mum wasn’t happy! Classic sibling chaos.

During timeout, my daughter started asking to go to the toilet - turns out she was using that to escape. Once told she couldn't go, she peed on the kitchen floor just to make a statement. The temper lives on at 15.

My 6-year-old told me to shave off my goatee. When I did and asked if she liked it, she grimaced and said, "No, I didn’t know your chin was so small." Ouch!

I have three sons. The middle one bragged to me about sleeping with “over 30 chicks” on Tinder, including some in my bed. Talk about bold!

My son shot me in the eye with a Nerf gun, and it still hurts a week later! Meanwhile, my 3-year-old put a donut on top of poop to hide it. Parenting win?

My 8-year-old son hit his 5-year-old sister with a hard plastic bat, saying it’s what cool kids do. He got grounded. Then a month later, with a ninja sword and costume, he attacked her again just for fun. Yep, we’re definitely getting counseling.

My son wanted to show his classmates a documentary trying to convince them the world is flat - even though he knows it’s not. That’s some serious con artist vibes.

My autistic son lacks a filter. One day before we left the house he bluntly asked, “Are you really going to work without any makeup?” Yeouch, no sugarcoating here.

My 5-year-old son didn’t like the babysitter, so he hid the car keys, my husband’s wallet (leaving out some cash to pay the sitter), and even one of my shoes. Not subtle, but effective.

My 6-year-old daughter punched my 4-year-old son causing a bloody nose. When asked why she said, “I didn’t punch him in the face, I punched him in the nose.” Kid logic, folks.

Not a parent, but I watched my little brother pour paint thinner all over my mom’s flowers after dad left it out. More relieved he didn’t drink it, but those flowers took hours to grow!

At 6 or 7, I told my dad, “When you’re old and weak I’m going to chuck you about!” The friendly threat was impressive and terrifying all at once.

After a sibling fight, my 5-year-old grabbed his big brother’s photo off the fridge and tossed it in the trash. Pure jerk energy, but also kinda impressive passive aggression.