Wait, Psychiatric Ward Stories? Prepare To Have Your Mind Blown!

We had a floor full of some pretty wild older folks. One night, a feisty grandma popped her head out and said, "I could sure use the company of a good looking young man tonight!" I told her I wasn’t exactly a heartthrob. She shot back, "That’s okay, I can’t see too well." Classic!

Had this WWII vet with Alzheimer’s who thought he was back in battle. Out of nowhere, he’d sprint down the hall yelling about sandbags, handing over his imaginary Thomson gun because it was too heavy, and grabbing a pistol instead. This old dude running full speed like he was fighting Nazis? Absolutely surreal.

I was a CNA caring for a brilliant, non-verbal lady who kept calling me “Elizabeth,” thinking I was her daughter. She only ate when I fed her and was combative with everyone else, but sweet to me. Turns out Elizabeth had died young and believing I was her brought her joy. I quit but visited her every day. She held my hand when she passed. Loved her so much.

Not a nurse, but a support worker. Met a very impatient patient who couldn’t wait for anything and barely talked. Six weeks later, he paused to say “please,” started making his own breakfast, and actually smiled at me saying good morning. Those little wins stopped me in my tracks.

So, there was this guy in detox from meth, yelling he just wanted “freaking ice.” The nurse brought him a glass of frozen water, thinking he wanted actual ice cubes. The dude froze, totally confused, then burst out laughing. Instant mood switch from chaos to giggles. Classic mix-up!

Patient asked for a whole tub of Vaseline. What happened next? He covered himself from head to toe and slipped around all shift like a human slip 'n slide. We couldn't even get him back to his cell because he was too slippery. Lesson learned: No more Vaseline tubs!

Had a catatonic guy who could play piano classics like a legend - everything from ragtime to jazz - but apart from that, he’d just sit and stare. Pretty wild combo of silence and genius.

A patient managed to escape the ward and hitchhiked all the way to Sydney – that’s about 900 kilometers – just like it was a casual road trip. Talk about dedication to a getaway!

Nursing school clinical happened on a psych ward. There was this girl who ate like six pudding cups, then calmly licked her spoon clean. Next, she shoved the ENTIRE plastic spoon into a healing arm incision. When caught, she just said “Oops” because it got stuck. Say what?!

In psych school, a patient couldn’t have liquid white out because he was on a suicide watch. He argued it was dumb since he had a dozen other ways to, you know, off himself. The instructor said, “That’s how we know he’s serious.” White out stay banned.

A schizophrenic patient sat smoking in a hospital greenhouse watching a heron frantically fly around, crashing into glass trying to escape. When asked if it bothered him, he sighed, "Thank God, I thought I was the only one seeing that." Mind blown.

Had a teenage girl struggling with depression. The year before, her dad blew his brains out at the Thanksgiving dinner table. When she told me, I literally had to pause, exhale, and collect myself. Talk about a gut punch.

I was once a patient on a psych ward. A tall, muscular man escaped his room, stumbled into mine, and asked if I was okay. When I said yes, he screamed, “I knew it! You can see them too! Don’t let them get you!” Then security dragged him away yelling. Spooky!

Was in a max security unit and a serial rapist cracked a joke. Nurse said, "Oh stop that." He deadpanned, "I've heard that before." Class act, horrible crimes aside.

Manic guy told me his tooth hurt and needed emergency extraction. I said no can do. A few minutes later he ripped his molar out and handed it to me. Blood everywhere, but he said, "Make sure you give me my tooth back when I leave. Don’t steal it." Wild, wild night.

Visited a prison where a guy cut open his stomach and shoved things like paperclips and coins inside. His body actually started fusing to a towel he stuffed in there. Talk about unique storage solutions.

We had a hefty guy who got naked and flashed the unit. After a hold, he tried to strangle himself with his underwear, peed all over the floor, did pushups, slurped his pee, painted walls with it, and finished by... um, getting artistic in a very weird way on the door. Then he bit a tech. Absolutely bonkers.

Watched a guy desperately trying to dig out 'rats' from an *ahem* sensitive area. Turns out he thought his ex summoned them there. He tore that place up pretty bad. Ouch!

Pharmacist here. Heard about a patient who ate two fingers and was in the ICU but still visited his mom afterward, bleeding and all. Another guy made a cavern in his thigh to stash pens and coins. When it finally got infected, they found the whole secret stash. Talk about creative hiding spots.

I was a hospital security guard and saw a patient cut a hole in their belly and shove paperclips and buttons inside. The guy was a walking magnet of strange objects. Yikes!

My sister was sectioned and next to the psychiatric intensive care unit. One night, a patient bit a chunk out of a nurse’s leg and started eating it. Yikes doesn’t even cover it.

Had a guy who’d rock back and forth sucking his fingers - covered in slobber! One day, I caught him in the bathroom eating... well, you know. Smeared everywhere. Also, a guy peeled off his fingernails and shoved them where no nails should go. Madness!

I'm currently a patient at a private mental health hospital. This one guy brought each staff member a rose on his last day to thank all who helped him. Honestly, one of the kindest things I’ve seen here.

There was this confused, unpleasant psych patient who kept yelling I was poisoning him. Then he calmly said "I'm just going to die." An hour later, he coded and didn’t make it. Talk about ominous warning signs.

I wasn’t staff but a patient once. A giant dude went ballistic when a football game’s channel was changed. He smashed his skull with his fists, started seizing, and was removed for good. Also, there was a lady preaching the end of days sweat-fest style. Wild ward!

Heard about a schizophrenic girl who wanted to be a vampire - so she drank blood from her own tampons. As strange and gross as it sounds, it’s true. Teens, am I right?

Stayed sane for a while on a ward. A tiny woman casually threw the TV into the wall because it was supposedly giving her armchair orgasms. Then she calmly asked if I liked Lisa Stansfield. Can’t make this stuff up.

Friend works as a behavioral consultant. Told me about a patient who casually pinned another patient against the wall and bit his eyelid clean off. I’m still trying to wrap my head around that one.

Student nurse story: a guy carved a hole in his stomach with a razor, pulled out chunks of himself for fun, then used the hole to stash random items. The body started fusing to the towel stuffed in there. Definitely not your average storage locker.

My sister was a psychiatric nurse for 10 years and faced daily assaults, threats, and pretty much all the bodily fluids you can imagine getting thrown or smeared. After a decade, she switched to teaching. Talk about a tough job!

Worked in prison. One guy cut open his s**t to prove he was serious (about what? Unknown). Another cut off part of his butt cheek and threw it. Someone punched a wall bleeding like a champ, and one guy had s*x with a window vent. Brown life!

Had a patient with multiple personalities, and each one told us they got better after treatment - in their own distinct voices. Now that’s teamwork!

My sister-in-law’s psych ward tale: Two schizophrenic guys. One claimed he owned the ward and had a record label. The other swore he was an up-and-coming rapper the deep state was keeping locked up because he was a threat to Eminem. Talk about a wild rap game!

One patient came in with pictures of his family glued to his feet. He said it was so they’d always be close. That’s one way to carry family with you.

On med school rotation when this guy carved out his intestines with bare hands. Crazy strong dude (6’6”), used to police supervision because he once tried to attack staff with food plates. Definitely not your average patient.

A skinny dude was just minding his business when he suddenly ran and speared a 200kg guy into a steel-and-glass door, then walked away like a boss. Big guy ended up with a broken skull and a sore shoulder. Nope, didn’t see that coming.

We tazed a guy who handed back the barbs like it was no big deal. Another dude masturbated then licked it off the floor. One patient dropped a t**d while shaking his leg and then casually walked on like nothing happened. A lady even stuffed sandwiches where sandwiches don’t belong. Insane stuff!

Pharmacist here. Patient found out 2 cops were waiting outside for an outstanding warrant, smashed a doctor’s coffee mug on a desk, and tried to slit their own throat with the broken glass. Needed stitches, but thankfully nothing worse.