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Breakups hurt, no doubt. Usually, people block their ex, eat some ice cream, and move on. But nope, some folks take breakups as a chance to get seriously petty, and boy, do their stories deliver! We asked on Threads: "What’s the pettiest thing you did post-breakup? No boring blocking answers, we want wild!" Buckle up, these tales are something else.
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Not me, but my crazy mom scattered sardines all over a dude’s yard. Every cat in the neighborhood showed up for the feast. She left a note: "You wanted pussy, you got it." Absolutely bonkers.
He cheated with our shared hairdresser. So I booked a cut, and after she finished, I stood up and said loud enough for all to hear, “Kaitlyn, it looks amazing. If you weren’t sleeping with my husband, I’d totally come back!” One random woman clapped as I strutted out without paying. Savage.
My husband cheated, and my coworker helped hook him up. When she got pregnant (while we were trying), I drove to his parents with flowers, breaking the news ‘You’re gonna be grandparents’ because he hadn’t told them. Oof.
Breaking up is like your world flipping upside down, especially if it’s messy - cheating, ghosting, or just leaving without a word. It messes with your head and heart way more than you think.
He’d bought $10k of truck parts and was coming back for them. I sold everything for $1,000. One buyer was shocked, saying, “These cost $1,000!” When I told him why, he gave me $500 extra and I kept it all. Score!
Not me but a friend covered his black car with marshmallows during a 100-degree day. They melted everywhere, attracting bugs and birds. He was working a 12-hour shift. Imagine his surprise!
He cheated on me, so I signed him up for Scientology. If he wants a new hobby, that’s his business now.
Research says breakups can tank your happiness, especially if you lived together or had big plans. But finding someone new? That seems to help bounce back quicker.
I straight up ditched him at a gas station during a road trip. We were six and a half hours from home. Byeeee!
I had access to our shared TiVo, so I deleted all her programmed shows and filled the schedule with 11-hour blocks of religious content, randomly spread out over six months. Take that, ex!
Maybe a little accident happened with milk and Japanese fish sauce in his car’s air conditioner vents. The smell? Let’s just say it’s never going away.
A psych book says heartbreak activates the same brain spots as physical pain. No wonder we replay those texts and check their socials way too much!
We lived together for almost three years. He moved back to his homeland, cheated on me with several people, and is a germaphobe. I forged his STD test results showing he was positive for everything and sent it to his family stateside. Can’t imagine how that went down.
I sliced the pockets of every pair of pants/shorts he had, just annoying enough to be a pain but not ruining them. Also poked tiny holes in his socks and shirts underarms. He didn’t notice at first!
Pet stores sell crickets for reptile food… imagine buying 500 and setting them loose in someone’s apartment. That person will never sleep again. Just saying.
We want answers after breakups. When we don’t get them, we replay every convo, hunting for clues. But sometimes, closure just means moving on without all the answers.
When I moved out, I got a whole crew to help. They left him just one plate, one fork, one cup, one knife, one spoon. One wet towel on the bed. Took all the towels, shower curtains, linens, pots, pans—everything except the actual marital bed. He made it; he could sleep in it.
I took all the TV remotes and would randomly drive by and turn the TV off. Totally maddening.
He was super overweight and mocked my postpartum weight. So, I bought him the exact same underwear he wore but a size or two smaller. When I stopped by, he had bought a scale. It worked!
Healing takes time and doesn’t look like a TV drama. Sometimes it's just making it through a day without stalking your ex online. Self-care is key!
My ex was always sending tracks to his favorite producer but never got a reply. I ran into that producer, said he was a terrible boyfriend. Producer blocked him on all platforms. Ouch.
Leaving my ex-husband, my cat started leaving dead mice at his back door. I piled them in the roof above his bedroom so his room smelled like ‘mouse party.’ Perfect karma.
Some folks want revenge. It feels nice to get even when you're hurt, but science says it’s a trap that keeps you stuck in the past.
Really, revenge ties you to the pain instead of helping you heal.
Went to a gay club with friends and paid them to leave his number in bathroom stalls. After six clubs, I call that money well spent!
His mom kept calling me to say he cheated and to get counseling. He cheated with his professor’s wife. I found some Polaroids of them, sent them to his mom with a note: 'My, how your little boy has grown.' She stopped calling.
I sold my wedding and engagement rings and used the cash towards my wedding with my now-husband. Talk about moving on in style!
Plotting revenge keeps your focus on your ex, not yourself. It feels like action but you’re still stuck in heartbreak’s grip.
Broke up, found out he cheated, but I pretended to be friends for five months just so I could go on a cruise with him and my parents. Haven’t spoken since. Proud moment!
He left dirty underwear in my trunk after I kicked him out. I folded everything nicely, turned the underwear inside out so the dirty part showed, and dropped it off at his mom’s house. He called me disrespectful. Classic.
He forged a grant deed. I found the real one, stashed it in a safe deposit box. Then caught a rattlesnake and put it in the tank under the deed. He broke in looking for it, totally freaked out by the snake. Petty perfection.
Feeling angry is totally okay. The trick is choosing what you do with it. Revenge might be tempting, but the real win? Reaching ‘I don’t care anymore’ mode.
He said I’d never write a book. We broke up. I published a poetry book all about what a jerk he was. Take that!
He cheated on me our whole relationship, mocked me during pregnancy, and got violent. I slept with his best friend, made sure their friendship burned to dust, left, and never looked back. Best friend still tries to hit me up. Legendary.
He wouldn’t give me back my stuff. His roommate left the door unlocked while he was undressing the woman he cheated with. I grabbed my things, looked her dead in the eye, and said, “FYI, his other girlfriend comes over tomorrow.” Spoiler: There was no other girlfriend.
Now to the good stuff: The petty stories! They’re wild, hilarious, and totally unhinged. Let’s see how folks got their exes back (or at least made life interesting).
I canceled his internet and Sirius radio the very day I moved out. Took the router too. He eventually found out his PlayStation account stopped working (which I paid for). Oops.
Left prawn heads in his golf bag (because why not), plus butyric acid in his shoes — that’s the smell of rancid butter meets vomit. Golf’s never smelled so awful!
He HAD to have all dishes matching and the same number. When I left, I took one mug from the set to mess him up. Still use that mug today.
He’d been living with me with stuff on a trailer ready to move. My Irish temper kicked in and I emptied litter box and vacuum debris into his desk and file cabinet drawers. Then hosed it down for fun. Once you’re on my list, you’re on it forever.
Told everyone we know all the awful stuff he did that I had been keeping secret. 10 out of 10 would do again.
Not me, but my friend took every single lamp in the house during the divorce while picking up her stuff. Every lamp. Darkness rules.
Not me, but my ex posted my number on Craigslist offering an iPhone giveaway after our breakup. I got hundreds of calls, texts, and emails. Chaos!
I called the Navy and told them where he was staying. That’s one way to make sure he gets the message.
Our cat had a habit of marking towels left on the bathroom floor. I packed up his belongings using those towels. Dorm room vibes with added stink.
Danced around sprinkling glitter and bleach all over his team clothes. Talk about ruining the vibe!
For over a month, I let the air out of the same tire every morning, making him think he needed four new tires. When he had an emotional breakdown, I helped him fill it up, then let it out again. Air power belongs to me!
I wrote a three-page essay explaining emotional coercion and sent it to him and his mom. Power move.
He dumped me with a voicemail on my birthday. I dumped a bag of all our mementos on his porch, stomped all over it, and left a note wishing him a long, lonely life.
I destroyed the front end of his prized jeep sitting in our garage with a 10-pound hand weight, telling him it was a substitute for his head. He should be happy about it.
I took ridiculous voicemails from him and had someone turn them into a dubstep track. Best breakup remix ever.
Night before he moved out, I taped over our wedding tape and recorded the overnight weather channel instead. No clue if she ever figured it out, but it felt good.
He liked his mugs lined up just right and flipped out when one broke. I took that one mug when I left. Years later, he still brings it up! Also, I sent his family all his awful texts with a goodbye note. Most took my side.
First, I showed up at his work, took all my stuff, and left just a half gallon of milk that I spit in. Then, a week later, I slashed three of his tires at 3 AM. Then, karma hit: the girl he cheated with got attacked by a raccoon and treated for rabies, and he had a heart attack mid-flight. Talk about drama.
He lived with his parents. I wrote them a letter apologizing that their son was so arrogant and told them they’d never see me again. Totally embarrassing for him.
Sold all his stuff to a pawn shop and made him sign over his car to me. Left the scene with style.
Friend broke up with their partner and sent every screenshot of them lying to their new girlfriend and the head of their shared activity club. New girlfriend dumped him; he got banned. Savage.
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