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This dude literally plugged his ears and shouted "lalalalalalala" whenever a Tampax commercial came on. Instant ick alert!
First date dinner vibes ruined when he asked if I wanted a salad instead of my mozzarella sticks because he prefers "thin women." Then joked about strapping me to his bumper to run it off. Yeah, no thanks.
He couldn't be bothered to throw away his trash after a movie and said "people get paid to pick it up." Spoiler: I didn't see him again.
He told my family three topics were off-limits: his hair, height, and car. Then my sister hit him with, "What about your face?" Burn!
We bonded over Boggle, but dude lost every single game (over 40!) and got mad enough to ghost me. Victory dance!
He needed his phone to subtract 20 from 300 and then accused me of lying when I did math in my head. Big nope.
First date, he left a $30 tip in ones but planned to take dollars back for every waitress mistake. She ended up with $13 on a $250 bill. I gave her my cash and bounced. Bye, no thanks!
He picked peeling sunburn off his arms the whole car ride and offered to light a fart on fire. I ditched him at the air show. What a combo!
He was hot, fun, with a good job, until he called me "weally pwetty." Yeah, dried up pretty fast.
He went on and on about his favorite frozen dinners, rating each one like it was a Michelin star meal. Bye, boring!
First date went great until he left the restaurant and hopped into his giant Cybertruck. Weird flex.
I liked this guy, but he called me "boring" because I wouldn't sleep with him and he was too busy. Dad said: if he liked you, he'd want to spend all his time with you. Dad knew best.
He texted like he was narrating a movie: *approaches nervously* "How's your day going beautiful?" *nervous smile* Super creepy. Blocked before the first date.
Hates concerts, Halloween, holidays, nice restaurants, and vacations that aren't just chilling at home. No thanks, where's the fun?
Beat him at every arcade game. Every. Single. Time. He kept saying "You got lucky." No luck, just skill. One and done.
When I said I like intelligent and funny men, he replied, "No. I'm not gay." Well, that was awkward.
His car needed a jump so I grabbed cables to help. He didn’t trust I knew how to do it and insisted on reading the manual. I jumped his car and that was the last we talked.
He said I had too much pink leopard print at home. Blocked him before date one. Ain't nobody got time for that negativity!
Took him to the beach. He asked how far the water goes. I said "to England! It’s the ocean." He looked genuinely confused.
We fought and he accused me of "trying to make him the escape goat." Nope, that’s not how that works.
He ate the green stuff on his sushi because his friends said it was great and didn’t flinch! Married him anyway. Parenting involves spicy truth bombs.
He tried to lick my face when he picked me up to "get rid of awkwardness." I said, 'Turn around, drop me off.'
He said his palms were sweaty, and I said "mom's spaghetti." He gave me a blank look and said, "what does that mean?" Absolute classic fail.
He claimed to speak perfect French but argued with a real French woman about the pronunciation of 'Renoir.' Instant nope.
He thought the moon’s phases were random like weather and didn’t believe me when I showed him the calendar. I’m still giggling.
He showed up late to our beach date, claimed to be tired, and took a nap. Yeah, no second date.
He saw my 8 bookshelves and asked if I really read all those books. Then he asked why keep them. I wish my head had exploded.
I joked 'Let's lounge by the pool' with my toddler sister’s kiddie pool nearby. He didn’t laugh. That was the end for me.
He invited me to cook spaghetti with "a nice chianti" at his place. Hannibal Lecter vibes. No second date at his home, thanks.
I know sports, soccer and rugby. He said it’s impossible for a woman to know so much about sports. Wow, tone deaf much?
He wore a Y2K flame shirt and played fantasy football during both movies at a drive-in, without asking me a single question. Then he said I interrogated him. Yawn.
He wanted a camping date after one meetup. I told him I camp to be solo with books. Yeah, no joint camping trips!
He texted he was running 'arins' instead of errands. Don’t even get me started on that pronunciation.
He kept interrupting me while I read — but not for snacks, just to check I was still there. Thanks?
After telling him my job, he asked me to hook him up with a gig too. Like, dude, you’re on a dating app, not Indeed.
He drove 73 in a 75 zone, hogged the passing lane, and yelled at people passing him. Charming, right?
He said he didn’t like ANY music. Drove and worked out in total silence. Psychopath vibes, maybe?
After five months, he confessed he once tried to rob a bank with a weapon. Yeah, that’s a dealbreaker.
Visited him playing The Sims. His Sim was filthy, late for work, & peeing everywhere. And he was in law school! How?
From awkward dancing alone, not grasping movie plots, endlessly bragging about home projects, to packing my leftovers like they're his... this was a marathon of nope.
He slobbered all over his knife during dinner, then left me in the pouring rain while taking shelter in his side of the car. Bye!
Vacation time: he bought first-class for himself and economy for me, saying he paid so he deserves the better seat. I married him anyway. Learn from my mistakes.
Hot take: guys who golf weird me out. The subculture is so selfish and sexist. Titleist hat? Instant ick.
He invited me over for dinner but left cabinet doors open to peek inside. I nope’d out fast.
He asked if I liked hiking, I said I’m an indoor cat who likes boulders. He sent me random rock pics, then called me a liar for liking Shrek. Drama galore.
He mimed playing guitar at a party full of real musicians and got instant 'never again' vibes. Oops.
He plugged his nose when he jumped in the pool. We’re in our 40s, Florida heat, and... really?
He got in the shower, turned the water on, and only then adjusted the temperature. Rookie move.
He ate lukewarm nacho cheese straight out of the jar. No judgment, but thanks for the nope.
He doesn’t like or won’t dance and says I take myself too seriously. Time to dance away from him.
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