46 Insults That Are So Good You’ll Want to Save Them for Later

Got called into HR because apparently telling a coworker you know they’re a C-section baby (because they avoid labor) isn’t workplace friendly. Who knew?

“Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.” Classic, loud, and proudly silly.

“Couldn't pour water out of a boot even if the instructions were on the heel.” Talk about missing the point!

At a grocery store, one cashier kept chatting forever and holding up the line. One fed-up customer yelled, “MY GOD, DO YOU GET PAID BY THE WORD OR THE HOUR?” Burn!

Bought an annoying coworker two pairs of sunglasses for Secret Santa with a card saying, “One pair for each face.” That’s holiday spirit with a twist!

David Letterman, joking “I'm not as dumb as I look” and Tina Fey’s quick comeback: “How could you be?” Perfect burn material!

“I'd challenge you to a duel of wits but I refuse to fight an unarmed man.” Touché.

We call a coworker “Dory” because we have to retrain him after every break. When he forgets stuff, we say, “Just keep swimming.” Work humor at its best.

Told a friend I was prom king, and he said, “Oh right, you were homeschooled.” So good, I had to hug him. That’s friendship goals.

Favorite insult: “You seem like the person who can tell how different color crayons taste.” Ouch, but funny!

“I see you got placed in the Witless protection program.” A VIP club nobody wants to join!

My go-to insult lately: “Your teachers usually sighed when you raised your hand in class, didn’t they?” It’s savage but so true sometimes.

I once drunkenly posted a picture meant for a lady on Facebook. My mom commented: “It wasn’t impressive when you were a baby, it’s not impressive now. Take it down before you embarrass yourself.” Mom, the original savage!

Heard someone say “she would make a train take a dirt road” and I couldn’t stop laughing. That’s commitment to chaos!

Replying to a rude guy: “Life is full of disappointments, just ask your parents.” That one stings just right.

“Your head really is just a place to store your teeth, huh?” That’s a weird visual, but a good roast!

“You're the kind of person who’d actually answer the door if someone told a knock-knock joke.” Brutal, yet oddly believable.

“I pity the plant that worked tirelessly to produce the air you're wasting.” Ah, the air-waster gets called out.

“The acoustics in your head must be amazing.” Like an empty echo chamber, maybe?

“Please, don't think. It does not suit you.” The classic ‘Please refrain’ but way funnier.

“If you were a spice, you'd be flour.” Bland and funny all at once.

“In a zombie apocalypse, you’re the only safe one.” Ouch, but also kind of a weird compliment.

“As an outsider, what are your views on intelligence?” Subtle but savage.

Put up a sign: “Clean up after yourself, your mother doesn’t work here.” Got told to take it down because it was ‘too specific’ but we all knew who it was about. Classic passive-aggressive gold.

In a serious tone: “You struggle with things that come easily to others, don't you?” Oof, that’s a low blow dressed like concern.

Heard one that went: “I thought you'd at least be nice since you're not so pretty.” That’s throwing shade with style.

When I was a student nurse, a patient shouted: “You dastardly dodo’s dung heap!” Best insult ever, hands down.

“Sensor Light” – only works when someone else is around. Classic Aussie workplace roasting!

No brains, no headaches. Simple as that.

“You’re like the end piece of bread - everyone touches you but no one wants you.” It’s lonely bread-life.

My ex wanted to argue, so I told her to call my wife (a 6th grade teacher). Why? Because my wife is better at dealing with children. Mic drop.

“Stop acting like your shoe size is your IQ.” Walk it down, smarty pants.

“I don’t have the crayons or the time to explain this to you.” Oof, savage and succinct.

“She’s like a Monet - beautiful from a distance but up close she’s just a big old mess.” Art meets roast.

“I take great solace in your flammability.” Basically, you’re a walking fire hazard of feelings.

“I see your brain-eating amoebae used up their last supplies.” A nerdy way to say ‘you’re empty up there.’

“You have delusions of adequacy.” That’s just a fancy way of saying you’re fooling yourself.

“Looks like your life is less about goals and more about managing regrets.” Yikes, but effective.

“I applaud your confidence, given the total lack of knowledge or expertise.” Bold and brutal.

“Go home, your village is missing its idiot.” A classic and effective insult.

You’re wasting oxygen that’s desperately needed by single-celled organisms. Yep, you heard that right.

“You look like I need a drink.” Short, sweet, and savage.

“There’s not enough brain cells between the lot of them to have a seizure.” Oof.

I like calling people “God’s first draft of X” or just by their outfit piece. “Okay turtleneck,” “Okay khakis” – hilarious and simple!

“If brains were dynamite you wouldn't have enough to blow your nose.” That’s some serious brainpower roast.

You’re so repulsive, even the Jehovah Witnesses wouldn’t bother knocking on your door. Harsh but memorable!