Wildest Science Fails That’ll Make You Go ‘Wait, For Real?!’

Question: Is this perfectly round island made by humans?

dogninja8:
Nope, it’s just a fake island the map guy threw in to catch copycats.

anonymous:
Uh, that’s Antaracataca, silly potato.

RamsesThePigeon:
That’s not an island at all! It’s a flying saucer, floating above Earth for centuries, shuffling around so different maps show it in different spots.

Question: I tried explaining gravitational waves to my 5-year-old, but he didn’t get it. Is he weird?

SplitReality:
Depends how close you were when explaining. Gravity messes with time, so when you explain gravity, your words get stuck in a gravity well and might age as they travel to your kid’s brain. If you’re too far, your explanation might get too old for your kiddo to understand.

This is kind of like when people high on stuff talk deep stuff that sounds weird but is actually pretty smart. Their brain fog is a strong gravity well, and by the time you hear it, it’s out of this world.

Question: How does Hugh Jackman not age?

anonymous:
He’s from Australia, which is upside down to the rest of the world. He gets younger while there and older in the US. Since he spends half his time in each place, he pretty much stays the same age.

snonymous:
Plot twist: Hugh Jackman isn’t real. Wolverine plays him, and Wolverine’s cells regenerate so he never ages.

Question: Britain is officially leaving Europe. Where will it go? Can you even move an island?

iron_dinges:
They’re making the Pound lighter so the whole country floats away.

JustADudeOfSomeSort:
First, someone’s gotta pull the release lever in the Chunnel, detaching Britain so it can float. Then Dutch windmills will blow it into the ocean currents so it can sail wherever it wants.

Question: What do I do when my dog deflates?

craniumonempty:
Kids these days! Back in the day, cartoons had a clear fix: get a foot-pedal bike pump, shove the hose in the dog's mouth, and pump until fluffed up. Just don’t overinflate or your dog might fly away.

anonymous:
Simple! Put your whole mouth over the snout and blow hard a couple times. Your dog's full size will pop right back.

Question: Why did people build ruins on purpose?

whereismysafespace_:
It’s a lost art. People just don’t build ruins like they used to.

ZanthorTitanius:
Roofs didn’t exist until 1550, so everything looked like ruins before then. That’s why Leonardo da Vinci’s so famous.

anonymous:
Mostly old-school Dungeons & Dragons and LARP stuff. They couldn’t make models to scale, so they just used actual ruins.

Question: How does this photo exist?

anonymous:
They cranked the exposure super high and just moved the camera.

jsquires74:
The world’s second camera got finished before the first, so maybe this came from that.

Notsure_jr:
We used the Hubble telescope to look back in time and snap this.

Question: Has technology improved over the last 4 years?

anonymous:
Angles are nature’s most underrated gadget.

Question: My pizza says bake for 18-21 minutes. How do I bake something for -3 minutes?

Hullabalooga:
Oops! Your pizza was ready 3 minutes ago.

JayTee12:
You just have to go back to the future.

ateoclockminusthel:
Easy! Take it out of the oven, wait 3 minutes, then pop it back in. Pizza magic.

Question: Why isn’t Ryan Gosling called Ryan Goose yet?

HolySimon:
Ryan Gander* (because of the bird thing)

ra_calli:
My brother has told this joke six times and no one laughed… then it blew up online with thousands of likes. Internet is wild.

Question: I accidentally fed my chickens popcorn instead of corn. My prize hen got too close to the heat lamp! Help? Medical and culinary answers, please.

ZhangStone:
My professor said you can treat chickens like spheres when calculating air resistance, so I believe him now.

thingalinga:
Chicken obesity is real. Fix it with a chicken-sized Peloton bike. And don’t ask when her chicks are due.

-Lil-Chicken-:
Med: lots of water to help dissolve popcorn.
Culinary: feed her butter, it’s a tasty popcorn addition.
By the way, this isn’t a Lil-Chicken.

Question: Is it genealogy or geology when The Rock studies family history?

Wildwoodywoodpecker:
Either way, he’s digging up some dirt.

RealDwayneJohnsonAMA:
In third grade, others drew family trees, The Rock made a family quarry.

Question: The first dog in space died of stress. Was it because of all the vacuums up there?

SomeAltAccountPun:
Partially. Stress came from exercise, piloting, and an airlock left open by mistake.

anonymous:
Actually, seeing Earth’s beauty made him sad about the Cold War.

rhorama:
Close! It wasn’t multiple vacuums, just one massive galactic vacuum - the Vacuum of Space - that got to him.

Question: Why do we hear of celebrities dying, but never being born?

ANegativeCation:
The last celeb birth announcement ended with a cross.

anonymous:
No new celebrities are being born. That’s why 2016 annoyed everyone - it was a death festival.

anonymous:
Actually, celeb babies make news. Most celebs today have famous parents. Jayden Smith, Miley Cyrus, the Kardashians - you name it.

Question: I accidentally swallowed a whole ice cube and haven’t passed it. Should I worry?

anonymous:
You’re fine unless you hear "STRAIGHT OUTTA COMPTON" from your stomach.

himthatspeaks:
People swallow 27 ice cubes on average while sleeping. If worried, drink salty water; salt melts ice.

anonymous:
Or just drink anti-freeze!

Question: I got a Smart TV but I’m still watching Duck Dynasty. What’s wrong?

bushybearmuffinman:
Did you press your forehead to the screen long enough to prove your smarts?

matruschkasized:
Did you try changing the brightness?

Moldiemom:
Maybe it smartly adjusts to you. My TV’s still stuck on "Robot Chicken."

Question: Why does this 2-pound coin only weigh 0.02 pounds?

FadeIntoReal:
Inflation.

anonymous:
The zeros are just hiding.

Mango027:
Your scale is off. Use this coin to recalibrate and it’ll show 2 pounds like magic.

Question: How much decaf do I drink to undo 9 cups of coffee? Asking for a friend.

spiketheunicorn:
You need "uncaf." Freeze a cup, unboil it, dehydrate it, and voila - anti-coffee. Don’t drink too much or you’ll nap forever.

liquidnonsense:
No decaf! Just drink one more regular coffee - it loops back to zero like an odometer.

MaxPecktacular:
Better idea: bathe in decaf. Your body will push out caffeine thanks to magic science.

Question: Who cuts these children in half?

onetruemod:
No clue, but whoever it is, they're not getting better.

eriken1:
Doesn’t add up. Cutting in half should double kids, not halve them.

AmazingShoes:
King Solomon’s got this one down. It’s just his thing.

Question: Are Jupiter's giant ducks a threat to Earth?

Van-garde:
Only if you tick them off enough to start the “Mallard Reaction.”

anonymous:
If they escape, Earth’s electroducknetic forces go crazy and we get knocked out of orbit. Not great.

rethinkr:
Short answer: Yes.

Question: Kids who were aborted, what’s your story?

IVTD4KDS:
Survivor here! Mom took pills to abort me but I caught them and held on. I was born laughing and showed them those pills.

bupereira:
(crickets)

ProbablyMyLastPost:
Mom had three options: Abort, retry, or ignore. Still not sure which she picked...

Question: Why is Duolingo depressed?

Jacksonfpvyt:
Imagine the app changing to sadder icons each day you skip, turning into a skeleton that bans you.

ARandomNPC01:
Owl’s tired of kidnapping folks who dodge Spanish lessons.

G45X:
Owls live about 10-12 years in the wild, 16-20 in captivity. Duolingo started in 2012. Old owl!

Question: How can I grow a car? I planted old car parts in my yard but nothing sprouted like my neighbor’s.

maybesingleguy:
Dude, you need a real scientist. Like an arborist and a mechanic having a baby. Then ask the baby.

cownd:
Simple. Get one from a car plant.

Question: Do spiders in Europe have 2.4384 meters legs instead of 8 feet?

anonymous:
Nope! Spiders have eight legs, not feet. Each leg is about one meter, so that’s 8 meters total.

duudass:
I’d walk 804.672 km twice just to see the man who walked 1609.34 km and fell at your door.

Fcorange5:
Not just Europe. Spiders worldwide, brochacho.

Question: What kind of supercomputer can read this?

flamedragon822:
Not a supercomputer but a "macro" computer by Macrosoft - before Microsoft crushed the bigger computer biz in the '90s. Turns out no one wanted giant computers.

MovingClocks:
Actually, this isn’t supercomputer-level by today's standards, just old! Moore's law says computer chips get smaller and denser every year. Compared to a USB stick, this is 50-100 times bigger, so it’s probably from 1900-1950.

Question: Pizza has crust. Earth has crust. Pizza’s flat. Does that prove Earth is flat?

skigoggle:
Pizza dough starts as a ball, though. Has Earth been cooked yet? Maybe global warming is just God preheating the cosmic oven.

peazey:
But doesn’t bread also have crust?

Edit: Quick side note! In that scene where the witch and duck hop off a scale it falls hard on the duck’s side - even though it’s rigged to show equal weight. Meta joke or byproduct? Anyone?

Also, the “it’s a fair cop” line is everything.

Question: People say microwaves are invisible but I can see them. Am I some kind of superhuman?

risquecat:
You should do an AMA!

Aldman123:
If you could use these "micro" waves to warm food, we could solve world hunger!

anonymous:
Pics or it didn’t happen.

Question: Amish of Reddit, how does not using technology affect your lives?

Errror1:
Just because we use Reddit doesn't mean we use tech. I typed this with a carrier pigeon.

Typo_Matser:
I shun fancy things like electricity. At 4:30 AM I milk cows. Jebediah feeds chickens. Jacob plows. I've been at it so long even Ezekiel thinks I'm nuts.

Question: How can I get my bananas to grow like this?

It_Is_Blue:
They do that naturally. Like sausages, bananas grow super long but we cut them short to make peeling easier.

MCBlackJack:
Short answer: you can't. Circular bananas would be ridiculous. Those are actually plantains.

smegmabot:
Ah, the rare suburban hose-banana. Endemic to North America, usually chilling next to houses.

Question: I spilled a cup of dryness. How do I get it back so they’re not mad?

anonymous:
Pour water around the dry spot, it pushes dryness back. Don’t forget to catch it all.

manbearpiglet92:
You’ll need a shopvac. Trust me, I’m a vacuum.

BakaMike:
Use a sponge: soak it up and squeeze it back. Best way, trust me.

Question: 1 or 2?

cephalopodtalisman:
Who wears a tie at the top of their neck?

Moose_Nuts1867:
Ties rest at the bottom of your neck, not against your chin. Number 2 is correct.

Mcboomsauce:
Brachiosaurus didn’t wear ties. Dress clothes invented in the late Cretaceous. The “T” in T-rex stands for Tuxedo.

Question: Why are all these vinyl records in the desert? What’s on them?

MyMudEye:
Someone breaking a world record?

Funkybeatzzz:
Mostly hard rock. Too dry for bluegrass.

anonymous:
That’s just where they grow. What tunes the artists want depends on the seeds.

Question: My dad’s on life support. Already tried unplugging and plugging back. Suggestions?

Sarcasticorjustrude:
You probably didn’t leave him off long enough. Basics, dude!

perthguppy:
Take his shoes off, put fresh ones on. That’s like rebooting.

14nickel:
Blow into the outlet. Sometimes dust blocks power.

Question: If light travels faster than sound, why do I hear the BMW honk before the light turns green?

bobbygarafolo:
Green light is the heaviest, so it travels slower than sound. That’s why no green stars have been found.

joelincoln:
It’s German engineering. BMWs predict clueless drivers and honk early. Mercedes fights back with counter-tech.

Stop blocking traffic!

Question: Can I use y=mx+b to find the slope of how downhill my life is?

J0hnn1B01:
Nope, the slope (m) would be undefined.

jxj24:
No, you’ll need an exponential at least.

stewsters:
Try y = -(x!) for a better curve fitting.

Question: Why is Hillary Clinton sending a hurricane to California?

comicalben:
Actually, the hurricane is after her. Hurricanes get named after who they're hunting.

Careless-Internet-63:
She tried taking Arizona, but went too far left.

Question: Are subreddits going private to hide Victoria's Secret?

dunkybones:
They’re going dark because Victoria has a dark secret.

sevelev711:
This event peaked here; it’s downhill from now.

crustymailmanguydude:
If you do some mathy stuff, this post turns out to be very scientific.

Question: Why do people come back from baby changing stations with the same baby?

SquareTheRhombus:
I can never get one in my favorite color.

Khers:
It’s not the same baby, just the same model. You can swap a crying or smelly one for a better model.

Effex:
Used to be super popular in the ’90s with high swapping success. New rules lowered success dramatically. Sometimes only the smell changes.

Pro-tip: To make your baby disappear, leave them at the station 30 minutes and come back. Ignore any officials; it’s a safety precaution.

Question: I’m 22, eyesight’s fading, when do I get adult supervision?

JackTR314:
An older adult who already has supervision needs to give it to you in person. It’s a tradition.

_vargas_:
Gaining supervision may have started already. Maybe you’re the problem because of chronic self-pleasure degrading your optic nerve. Give the noodle a rest and vision might improve. You might even start seeing why girls don’t like you.

Question: Is this why there’s global warming?

Charlitos_Way:
I leave my freezer door open too.

anonymous:
Clothes worn inside-out all over the world cause collective heat, triggering climate change.

Question: The puzzle says "5-6 years," but I finished in 2. Am I a genius?

jdllama:
Prelim data says no. The puzzle tests both your time and smarts.

toeofcamell:
If your hand is bigger than your face, certified genius.

MahatmaBuddah:
Try the Bus Stop Test: Chat with passengers 5 minutes, then vote if you’re a genius. It works.

Question: Mars has no atmosphere. Can we create one by dimming lights and playing smooth jazz?

DocsMildlyDislikeMe:
Mars’ rocky surface clashes with jazz smoothness. Playing rock might work, but it would create a hostile atmosphere. Scientists are stuck.

anonymous:
Mars is red thanks to iron; maybe metal music is better?

ProcastinatingAgain:
NASA tried streaming music on a rover; the bad feed angered Martians who unleashed storms and stranded Matt Damon.

Question: What’s my blood type?

ethanpo2:
Sorry u/kirbysdownb, but you tested positive.

duudas:
Red. Certified Medical Porter speaking.

Question: I’m 30 and still have kidneys. When will my adultneys develop?

redditorfrompluto:
Adultneys usually grow when you start smoking - it’s never too late.

KevinsPhallus:
You have kidneys? Do you barely walk or weigh so little you don’t need adult knees?

anonymous:
Adultneys are limited. You got yours during birthday raids. Mine was a wild day, raiding a town and scoring a bunch. If you haven’t had your rite, go corner a rival, rip their kidney with a rusty hook, eat it raw for power, and boom - adultneys activated. Old-school science, pleasing gods.

Question: If smoking’s so bad, why does it cure salmon?

Voltwreker:
Salmon don’t have lungs, humans do.
If humans didn’t have lungs, smoking would cure everything.

Jakkol:
Salmon breathe water, not air.
They’re immune to smoking harms and get all the “benefits” promoted by old tobacco ads.

anothercarguy:
I already proved smoking isn’t bad - it makes you live longer.