Oops! The Wildest Millennial ‘Pick Me’ Stories That’ll Make You Cringe (In the Best Way)

I was tiny, chugging cheap booze, and doing keg stands because I thought that’s what made me cool. Now? I just wanna save that kid from sticky floors.

Therapy’s going great though.

At 17, I thought a 27-year-old who called me “so mature” was my ride or die. Nope. Ended up in a messy almost two-year relationship.

I want to shake the adults who let that happen.

How many hours did I lose sitting on a filthy couch with trash and bongs, quietly watching some dude game just to be liked? Way too many.

I thought dressing provocative and acting ‘cool’ would make me stand out. Ended up just tolerating some pretty gross behavior and hooking up when I didn’t want to.

If I could go back, I'd just avoid guys till college.

This was me back in 2011, trying way too hard - on the floor of a garage, pulling my hair to show off cleavage, losing at beer pong, and getting called a “troll.”
Trying to be ‘not like other girls’ and impress a guy. If only I could hug her and say, ‘Girl, by 35, we don’t even like men.’

Believed grown men when they said I was ‘mature’ at 16/17. Sat through entire band rehearsals to seem cool, drank whiskey only, and lost my virginity to basically a stranger just to impress a boy who ended up having zero experience.

My older sisters took me to random screamo concerts at bars when I was 13, and somehow I always ended up in a stranger’s car with crazy bass shaking everything.
Now, as a mom, I’m just horrified.

I would joke around guys with lines like ‘You wanna hear a joke? Women’s rights.’
Now as a proud feminist, this haunts me.

After a breakup for cheating, I tried to work things out and sat there proving I was ‘worthy’ of him.
Guess what? He cheated again. Yep, clown shoes and everything.

I used to tell guys I loved their favorite music until one guy invited me to an underground concert two days away. Had to bluff my way through the show.
Fun fact: That artist is now my favorite, and the guy? Never saw him again.

I rushed into sexual stuff way before I was ready, trying to seem all grown up and sophisticated.
Still sometimes wonder what I really want vs. what I think makes me desirable.

I used to change my MSN status to super emotional and specific song lyrics just to bait people into asking what’s up.
Then I'd pretend to be mysterious.

I judged high schoolers one step at a time by the brand and logo on their jeans. Like an official denim detective spotting who was cool and who was wearing chick jeans.

Not exclusively millennial, but as a girl I faked a lot just to boost the egos of guys who really needed a reality check.

At my first frat party, I tried to match my date drink for drink, blacked out, passed out on the couch and got left there when the cops showed.
The girl who became my best friend rescued me because she was worried I'd get into trouble.

I’d tell guys I didn’t want kids, thinking it made me cool. Turns out, now I probably can’t have kids and that’s tough to swallow.

I once said to the guy behind me in line, ‘I laugh in the face of nonfat drinks!’
At the time I was underweight and kinda insecure about not being curvy. I cringe SO hard thinking about it now.

Starting in middle school, I was the loudest, ‘funniest,’ and most random girl just to get tons of attention.
Now? I prefer just existing for myself and no longer crave the spotlight.

I used to hate pink because it was super girly. Now? I thrive in pink, let it consume me, and have no regrets.

When my first serious boyfriend broke up with me in college, I dropped to my knees and begged him to come back.
My poor, clueless self.

I worked 3 jobs 7 days a week while homeless and in school because hustle culture told me it’d all work out.
Instead, I ended up with autoimmune diseases by 25.

Here are my senior shots from 2009. Yep, it was a whole vibe.

At house parties, I’d randomly start cleaning at 3 AM to show off to the 23-year-old boys taking bong rips.
Yeah, I thought it’d make me look like wife material.

Back in the day I thought ‘I prefer guy friends; girls are too dramatic.’
That was basically my mom’s words echoing in my head. Definitely grown out of that!

I always managed to casually mention I could drive stick and make guys feel less because they couldn’t.

Confession time: I slept with a bunch of guys thinking it would make them like me more.

I joined track because the boy I liked was on the team and I didn’t make the school play.
Chubby me slowly running 400 meters at meets, and still no pick. I kept going anyway and even lettered!

I let my 31-year-old boyfriend get so comfy he treated my stuff like his.
Drove my car empty, brought a friend over without asking, and stole $500 right before I left for Europe.
My pick-me energy was basically sabotaging myself to make him feel special.

My teen and early twenties? Total pick-me cringe. Too embarrassing to even spell out here.
Thank goodness for therapy - it helps explain the madness.

I used to take out piercings for guys back in ’01. Now? I say no just for fun.

I’d call a guy and hang up right away, then play it off as a butt dial when he texted back.
‘Oh sorry, accident!’ Conversation started!

Order salad.
Want burger.
Say: ‘I’m not even hungry.’
Girl.

At 14, I pretended to be a skater punk kid and kept it up till about 16.
Then I flipped the script and thought, ‘Boys are dumb. I’ll do me.’

I practiced beer pong so much my cousin called it ‘practice.’
I’d spend the whole party at the table, beating guys who thought they could beat me.
Every time I won, the guys got more interested (weirdos) except one who poured beer on me.

Once, at a bar, I drunkenly told a guy ‘I’m not like other girls.’
Plot twist: I’m gay now.

Messing around with bad men in messy apartments while way too drunk.
Then acting like I didn’t care when they ignored me, because I was ‘chill and do not give a f***.’

I married my first boyfriend.
Divorces, am I right? Lol.

I joined the chess club. Friends, I did NOT know how to play.

Lesbians and folks seemed to dislike bi girls, so I said I was a lesbian to avoid drama.
Super pick-me move. Happy for better bi rep today!

I dated guys waaaaaaaay below my level because I didn’t want to appear picky.

I wasn’t a pick me romantically but desperately wanted to be ‘one of the guys.’
Went to a writing college and ignored romance for years because of it. Now I'm a romance writer!

I thought I wasn’t like other girls - but also hated girls who said that about themselves.
Hated pink, refused dresses, only listened to rock.
Most women in modern rock were just ‘pick mes’ anyway.
Glad I grew the heck up.

I made this my profile pic in 2012.
Now, I’m a lesbian.

I was a 9th grade juggalette.

Blushed like crazy when someone said, ‘You’re not like other girls.’

I always gave my guy friends the benefit of the doubt just because they were nice.

I made Boondock Saints my entire vibe for about a year.

I’m Gen Z but at 15 begged my parents to get me a Call of Duty tee just to impress a crush.
Never played the game to this day.

In 8th grade, no money for a Valentine’s gift, so I made a VHS of me singing and dancing.
Hopefully it’s been thrown away by now.

I used to steal guys’ hats in high school.
Also trained myself to apply mascara with my mouth shut so I wouldn’t be ‘like other girls.’

I used to say boys were easier to get along with.
Thank goodness that didn’t last long.

I started liking American football.
Truth is, I don’t really enjoy watching sports.

My stepdad told me to drink whiskey, beer, and gin because those drinks make girls seem cool to dudes.
I turned 21 and spent months choking down whiskey shots and beer trying to be cool.
Then a friend offered me some grape vodka soda, and I remembered drinks could taste good.

I had three Aeropostale polo shirts that did NOT fit me right.
I didn’t even like them but thought they were the vibe before I realized I could wear whatever I want.

I told men I didn’t want a relationship because I thought they liked women who didn’t want one.
Joke’s on me though - all of them married the girl after me.
I’ve been married to my true love since 2018.

I dated a white motivational rapper and sang on multiple tracks.

I married one of those tall bearded guys everyone adored.
LOL.

I drank so much Bud Light I almost convinced myself I liked it.

I used to ask guys what was wrong when they messaged me to vent.
Last night, one of those guys messaged me out of the blue after 7 years and expected me to beg for attention.
Blocked. Thanks therapy!

I hated Taylor Swift.

Thought my guy friends were genuine buddies.
Turns out, nearly all tried to hook up with me, and most were my high school boyfriend’s closest pals.
Now I avoid men altogether.

I used to take my shirt off in the mosh pit because I was hot, and I knew it.

I bragged about knowing football and having a dad who was a coach so I’d be the only girl invited over to watch Sunday games.