Wait, They Totally Got Away With That On A Plane?!

My step-dad and I were chilling at the airport waiting for my stepbrother’s plane. Back in the day when you didn’t need a ticket just to shop or grab a bite. Also back when I was rocking a super punk look - a 12-inch mohawk way up there and all the spiked gear you can imagine.
Step-dad, a hardcore fast food fan, suggested grabbing some burgers. We finally got up to the register, and the lady behind the counter gave me the ‘‘what the heck is that?’’ look like I was from Mars. She was staring so hard it was kinda hilarious.
She finally took her eyes off me to take the order and joked loudly to my step-dad, ‘If my son looked like *that*, I'd never let him leave the house!’ She started cracking up.
Right then, without skipping a beat, I shot back, ‘Well, if my mom worked at McDonald's, I'd be too embarrassed to leave the house.’
The entire counter burst into laughter and I felt like the king of the world.

On a short 45-minute flight, the guy behind me just wouldn't stop kicking my seat. First, I gave him the benefit of the doubt - maybe he's tall or uncomfortable. Nope, he kept it up nonstop.
And then, the cherry on the cake: he stuck his smelly, unkempt foot right next to me, squished between my armrest and the wall. Ew.
I waited, hoping he’d move it. Nope.
So just as we were descending, I sneezed dramatically - pretending to cover my nose and turning away - but the big surprise? I totally missed my arm and sneezed all over his nasty flip-flopped foot.
He yanked his foot away fast and that was the end of my unwanted kicking buddy. Worth every sniffle!

I rarely fly, so when I get my all-important window seat, I guard it like treasure. But last week, I found this lady sitting in my seat, refused to move, and told me to sit down in the aisle seat.
She even bragged about how often she flies and who’s the newbie. I was fuming but didn’t cause a scene. Instead, when she mentioned how rushed her connecting flight was, I smiled inside.
She got me but didn’t know I was about to outplay her. When I wanted to peek outside? I swooped over her and her friend’s laps like a smooth ninja to enjoy my rightful window view.
And guess what? When we landed, I made my exit as sloooow as possible, insisting the rows behind us go first. I even shook both flight attendants’ hands on my way off. She bolted once we turned the corner. Sweet sweet victory!

Flying home from a trip, this dude next to me blocked the aisle with his leg out. He had plenty of room but wasn't moving.
I looked at him, looked at his foot, looked at him again, and when he just ignored me and played on his phone, I placed my dirty Converse right on top of his fresh white Nikes.
His head whipped around, giving me the stink eye, and I just pulled out my tablet, reading like nothing happened.
He pulled his foot back and was grumpy all flight—but hey, I got my space back, so it was worth it!

On vacation my ex had never flown before, so the first time, I gave him my window seat. Easy.
But on our flight back, he wanted to keep the window while I got stuck in the middle. When I asked to swap, he said no, it was his spot.
Five minutes later, the flight attendant asked me if I could move - turns out someone needed to swap because of crutches! They gave me a front row seat with no neighbor, a window, and oodles of leg room.
My ex then begged to switch again and I happily told him to buzz off. Relationship? That didn’t last long after that.

I was on a flight and the little kid in front kept slapping my neck, yelling 'Got your neck!' super loud every few minutes. His parents? Totally ignoring him.
Being sleepy but done with the nonsense, I slathered some petroleum jelly on my neck (dry skin, you know how it goes).
The next time he tried to slap me, his hand touched the jelly and he jumped back with a big ‘Eww!’
Mom then scolded him for getting jelly on her, and peace was restored. Sweet sticky revenge!

I just finished a 7-hour flight on Southwest (no assigned seats, by the way). I picked the back to get an aisle seat since I’m tall, but the flight was packed.
Enter Entitled Karen. She waited until the last minute, grumbled about her luggage, then waltzed up and demanded I move from the aisle to the middle seat because she paid for aisle (not true on Southwest!).
The flight attendant tried calming her, but no luck. So I took the middle seat, gritting my teeth.
Now, I’m mostly chill, but I also get gassy on planes. That Karen? She got a nonstop private fart show for 7 hours. Every time she sniffed the stink, she gave me dirty looks.
By hour five she begged the crew to move her - to no avail! Then I dropped a final silent but deadly for the last few minutes. Take that, seat snatcher!

Flying a long flight, this guy next to me took off his shoes early on. I told him it smelled super bad and asked him to put them back on.
He said, ‘I’m more comfortable this way’ - well, sorry dude, that’s not happening.
About an hour later he needed to get up to pee. I straight up didn’t let him out until he put his shoes on.
Honestly, it grossed me out thinking about him barefoot on the bathroom floor, so some petty foot justice was necessary.

Back in college spring break, I was stuck in the last row on a 5 A.M. flight with bro tanks, board shorts, and a frat-tastic crew of drunk guys.
One dudebro was so obnoxious he rang the call button every 10 minutes, flirted with the flight attendant, and spewed racist and sexist jokes. Then he flopped on my shoulder, drooled, and put his bare stinky feet on my leg.
I took my chance. When the flight attendant handed me a cranberry juice, I 'accidentally' spilled it all over his brand new white board shorts.
The entire row roasted him, yelling 'Are you on your period, bro?' I got moved to an empty seat upfront and caught my connection by 30 seconds. Best flight ever.

On a flight from Germany to Macedonia, a kid behind me couldn’t stop grabbing and shaking the back of my seat.
The mom ignored it, and the kid kept at it for over 20 times.
So I pretended to stretch and actually spit on my fingers, then splashed water from the kid’s drink all over his lap by sharply reclining my seat.
The kid started yelling and blamed me. Mom shut up real quick and the shaking stopped for good.
Did I go too far? Maybe. But shouting and kicking get on everyone’s nerves, so this was my comfy little revenge.

My boyfriend took a cramped budget airline flight with few empty seats - except for a row of three behind him.
A woman kept barging into the free row, tossing her bags everywhere, clipping and painting her nails, then stretched out over all three.
She passed out with her feet sticking out into the aisle. When flight attendants came with food, they placed her panini on the tray in front of her instead of waking her up.
My boyfriend and the elderly couple next to him shared a smile, and slyly snatched her panini, divided it up, and enjoyed the feast.
Honestly, who does that on a flight? Served her right!

This story is from the ‘80s. Dad travels for work and boards with his briefcase in the overhead bin.
A guy pulls it out and crams his own bag up there, then takes a seat at the front of the plane - stealing Dad's space.
Instead of a scene, Dad quietly removes the guy’s bag, puts his own briefcase back, and presses the call button.
When the attendant comes, Dad asks to gate check that carry-on, meaning it’s sent down with checked luggage.
Dad gets off the plane with his briefcase. The guy wakes up later to find his suitcase missing but it’s already too late.

While living in Asia, I often took cramped economy flights, already tight for my tall frame.
On one flight, a tall guy in front shoved his seat all the way back and basically crushed my legs.
I politely asked him to move it but he said no and laughed it off.
I told the flight attendant who moved me to a better seat.
Then, I got my petty revenge, moving my seat back and forth as much as possible - bumping his knees repeatedly during the two-hour flight.
He hated it, but couldn’t escape the knee assault - sweet sweet justice!

On an 8-hour flight, a classic Karen unbuckled the seatbelt as soon as the plane landed and tried to rush to the front.
The seatbelt sign was still on, so crew asked her to return to her seat, but she ignored them.
Then the captain announced there was a 'special guest' onboard and would greet them after arrival.
He slowly walked down the aisle, politely asking Karen to step back bit by bit, holding up the whole plane while everyone watched and giggled.
Finally at the back, he announced the special guest was in seat 42C and told everyone to applaud her.
The entire plane burst into laughter and applause while Karen stood awkwardly - karma served cold!

Got stuck with a group of Chinese basketball players on a 3-4 hour flight. One dude started gossiping about how foreign ‘‘lao wai’’ folks stink and take off shoes on flights.
He giggled and told his friends, thinking I didn’t understand.
I dropped my shoes just like he said, then looked at him and said in Mandarin, ‘What did you say?’
He went white as a sheet, grabbed his stuff, and moved away - leaving me the entire 4-seat row to myself.
Talk about instant karma for the talk-trash tough guy!

On a plane with a kid in the back who just wouldn’t stop kicking my seat, mom totally ignored it.
He asked for a cup of water, put it on the tray, and I waited for the perfect moment.
When he wasn’t looking, I slammed my seat back and splashed the whole cup onto his lap.
Kid screamed, mom yelled at me, but I told her maybe her kid should behave next time.
After that, the kicking stopped - suck on that, kid!

I'm small, but people try to invade my space on planes like it’s the free zone.
This lady got on late with a giant carry-on, coat, blanket, and threw her purse on my feet - like I was invisible.
When flight attendants told her about luggage rules, she ignored them repeatedly.
She’d put her coat and purse all over my side, nap with elbows flung, and had terrible breath. Ugh.
At landing, she shoved her blanket over me again. I pushed back and she ripped it away like I’m the bad guy.
She ran off the plane in a snit - except she forgot her purse. And I saw her walk through the airport without it. Oops!

There was this guy blocking the aisle, making life hard for everyone boarding.
He shouted at a lady for putting her bag in the overhead, citing ‘custom wine glasses’ like it was a throne.
When the baby behind me cried, he told them to give the kid a bottle - real classy.
Since I’m shy, I hatched a plan with my boyfriend to annoy him: tray table slams, knees in his seat, water bottle danglings, loud chip munching, loud coughs, and AC blasting his way.
He glared, complained to his wife, and looked miserable. Revenge is sweet!

Flew a budget flight with a lady who wrapped her all-white jacket around her seat, making my food tray look like it was camping under a snow tent.
I tapped her and she muttered something I didn’t understand but left her jacket shielding my food - had zero appetite after that.
I got creative - melted butter from my warm bread slid into her jacket pocket, mashed potatoes stuffed in the inner pocket, dessert gelatin tucked in, plus bread crumbs for garnish.
Buttoned her jacket, so she’d have to open it to find the sticky surprises.
Later, I spotted her going through customs, still carrying the jacket. Didn’t see what happened next, but I bet she was in for a messy surprise.

A large man on a long flight took off his shoes - they smelled pretty bad.
I waited until he conked out, then stealthily slipped one shoe off by the strings and carried it all the way to the back overhead bin.
During descent, he freaked out when one shoe wasn’t under his seat.
The attendant knew exactly what happened and smiled at me.
I hung out to watch him the last person off the plane. Serves him right for the stank!