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I once dated a girl who thought Mary was a virgin, that her kid’s father was holy, and her son was a spirit. And that was the least crazy part! She also believed we all came from one couple with just two kids. Mind blown.
My ex-husband literally didn’t believe me when I said I couldn’t ‘hold it’ during my period. Nope, not buying it.
He said the government put the moon there, questioned dinosaurs, and wondered if flowers just magically appeared. Spoiler: I broke up with him.
He thought special ed and developmental disabilities were attention-seeking scams. Autism? Just dramatics. Oh, and he was a teacher. You can guess what happened next.
He believed cats and dogs were the same species, except cats were girls and dogs were boys. Wait, what?
My ex seriously thought women only interacted with men they were into - and got mad when I ordered from a waitress he didn’t find attractive. He thought every convo was flirting. Awkward.
I dated a guy who refused to fly because he believed God was a real dude chilling in the clouds and flying too close would get us smited. Yup, that happened.
She truly believed she’d never go through menopause because she ate fruits and veggies. Wish that worked!
After we broke up, my ex called me demanding I stop 'dream stalking' him - because apparently I was invading his subconscious. Sure, Jan.
I used to think periods lasted only a few days and then magically disappeared. Nope, there’s a whole monthly cycle. Who knew?
I dated a guy who claimed to be vegetarian but ate chicken. When he checked that fries weren't cooked in animal products and then ordered chicken fingers, I tried explaining irony - but nope. Chicken was a vegetable to him.
I had a baby with a man who fully believed all women’s periods start on the first of the month. Spoiler: they don’t.
He believed labia size was related to how many men a woman slept with. Bonus: he got embarrassed when I asked about it online because “everyone would know it’s me.” Yikes.
He seriously thought brown sugar was the high-fiber choice, like brown rice or wheat bread. Wish it worked that way!
He believed women couldn’t be pilots or firefighters because our reaction times are slower than men’s. Spoiler: Nope.
My ex insisted you boil water faster if it starts cold because hot water has to cool all the way down before heating again. Science, meet nope.
He thought clouds go behind the moon and that Africa and South America were pointy at the bottom because they’re dripping down the Earth. Imagination on point.
My ex claimed horse girls got pleasure from the saddle's motion. Spoiler: he was not the reason for my pleasure.
I broke up with a guy when I found out he was an anti-vaxxer comparing mandatory vaccines to chattel slavery. No thanks.
He believed computers were alien tech because humans were 'too stupid' to create microchips. Impressed? Me neither.
He didn’t believe food allergies were real because “you can’t be allergic to something you need to stay alive.” Say what?
My ex thought London was in Florida. When I laughed, he asked if that was wrong because Florida is actually part of London. I cried for two years, honestly.
My boyfriend suggested a trip to the pyramids in Rome. Spoiler: Rome doesn’t have pyramids. This and thinking no-iron shirts have no iron ended the thing real quick.
I dated a guy who genuinely believed wearing sunglasses could make you blind. Spoiler: It doesn’t.
He claimed COVID wasn’t real and vaccines don’t work - because his sister, who used to be a nurse, told him. Luckily, he’s an ex now.
This is dumb but it drove me nuts - had an ex who refused to believe black squirrels exist. Spoiler: they do.
My ex refused lotion after showers because he thought skin would get 'used to it' and need it daily. Yes, that’s exactly how lotion works.
My ex knew I grew up in Europe but asked if I’d seen Willy Wonka’s factory there. Buddy, it’s a movie. He was 27.
He thought Elon Musk was black just because of his South African parent and also didn’t realize South Africa is an actual country. Maps didn’t convince him either.
My ex believed it was okay to reuse dental floss and would hang it up at work for next time. Hygiene fail.
My high school boyfriend got upset that I joined the bouquet toss at a wedding because I wasn’t ‘single’ - even though we weren’t married. Logic: zero.
He believed red cars have higher insurance rates because red means drivers are likely to speed and be reckless. Red = Bad Driver, apparently.
He refused to take painkillers for headaches because he thought it showed weakness. Dude, just take the medicine.
My ex thought hemorrhoids were literally lumps of poop stuck under the skin around your butt. Ew!
He believed contact lenses disintegrated once you took them out, so he’d just flick them across the room. Guess who found them everywhere?
He insisted insects aren’t animals. I pulled up facts, but he kept arguing. He was almost 50 when this happened.
My current partner knew it was time to end a relationship when the girl thought the moon was Earth’s closest star. Oof.
My ex was proud he told a job interviewer he didn’t believe in working under pressure. Guess what? Not hired.
I had a terrible ex who thought spooning meant eating poop out of someone’s butt with a spoon. He also thought you could use dish soap in the dishwasher. Wow.
I dated a guy for four years who was shocked I didn’t get a period on my IUD - he just thought he had 'good timing.'
On a double date, the guy said he didn’t want cheese when Swiss chard was mentioned. He was an attorney. Yep.
Dating a guy who hated Chinese food but had never actually eaten it. Judgment, 100% unearned.
I dated a psycho who believed I was spying on him for the FBI. After breakup, he still insisted he wasn’t stalking me despite having my address.
He was 26 and didn’t know shampoo comes before conditioner. Said his parents never taught him. What?
My ex would be super gross and smelly, say he was too tired to shower, then still want to cuddle (and more). Gross. I had to change sheets daily!
I liked a fictional character who reminded me of my boyfriend. My ex thought I liked the character’s looks more and dumped me. Two years down the drain.
My ex believed some pasta shapes tasted bad or poison. He ate fusilli and spaghetti but refused elbows, farfalle, and called penne poison. Okay then.
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