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Alright, let’s dive straight into some of the funniest, weirdest, and downright jaw-dropping things people have said that made everyone assume they were joking... but surprise, they weren’t. Ready? Let’s go!
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A coworker was convinced the COVID vaccine had a microchip that controls your thoughts and “makes you forget about God.” I told her she didn’t even need a shot for that - her phone’s location was already on and tracking her!
Someone told me Trump was appointed by God - and then called me a stupid liberal. I just sat there, thinking, wow, people really believe this stuff. It was terrifying and hilarious all at once.
Hello, dehydration doesn’t exist? That’s what my friend, who’s super smart and has a master’s, believes. She thinks Nestle cooked it up to sell bottled water. Spoiler alert: her boyfriend drinks water during arguments just to mess with her.
My sister-in-law and cousin got deep into genealogy and proudly announced they'd traced our family back to Adam and Eve. I laughed, thinking they were joking. Nope, they were totally serious - and I spent Thanksgiving biting my tongue!
At a help desk interview, a manager complained that women were too ‘complicated’ for tech jobs and didn't want teary clients around tampons. I thought he was joking. Nope, he was deadly serious. Oh, and guess what? He got fired... eventually.
A therapist in the disabled community told me disabled people shouldn't expect pay for working and should just “pass time.” She’s now a clinic director. Pretty sure her patients are in for a wild ride.
My mom - who once dug fossils with me - decided the earth is only 6000 years old. Yeah... that was a nope from me.
When my mom got stage 4 pancreatic cancer, my boss asked if I just wanted two weeks off. Uh, no. Four days later, my mom passed away. I asked to come back weeks later, but was told, ‘Do not rehire.’ Still can’t work there 10 years on.
A woman freaked out when I told her hard Kombucha was gluten-free because she thought the barrels were glued together with gluten (which, she believed, meant glue). I explained it was beeswax. She tried it, bought 3 growlers, and left happy. Go figure.
Someone at work said, “Of course you know the Moon isn’t real!” Not the landing, the actual Moon itself. I just pretended not to hear because that conversation could have gone on forever.
A friend seriously told me public school teachers are giving kids transgender surgery. He KNOWS my mom is a public school teacher. Yep. I just stared.
A ‘friend’ told me to ‘shut your mouth, you dirty Jew’ at a party. I laughed, thinking he was ironically horrible. Turns out, nope, that was their real vibe. Totally messed me up.
At the airport in my wheelchair, an older woman whispered, “Are you handicapped? You’re too pretty.” I stared her down until she walked away. Nope, not okay.
I was chatting about bad weather and said our mood got affected by it. This guy looked me dead in the eye and said, “Nope. Our mood MAKES the weather bad.” I laughed out loud. He did not.
I put my waterproof phone in a pool, and a neighbor said she can’t get a new phone because “the 5Gs are changing my DNAs.” She pluralized both '5G' and 'DNA' and could have said 'D&As' for all I knew. I laughed and she was very serious.
Right after my mom died in high school, a guy at lunch said, “I’d rather my mom die than have her breasts lopped off.” Yep, I lost it. What a jerk.
My wife sneezed at a restaurant, I said gesundheit, and the table behind yelled out 'it’s god bless you!' She just stared at me deadpan. Now I’m not sure I can ignore religious nonsense anymore.
My (now ex) husband told me he wanted kids but not with me because I wasn’t a virgin. Then, plot twist, he was cheating at the time. He’s onto wife number four now. Cue eye roll.
My coworker is convinced she’s engaged to a famous football player she met through a Facebook account with the same name. Her logic? The guy we see on TV is a clone, and she’s dating the real one. Wild.
“You’re too calm… it makes people uncomfortable.” I thought they were joking. Nope, just that kind of weird conversation.
I told a coworker she was in my dream. She replied, “I know. I was there. I traveled astrally.” I’m still not sure if she was serious or just very committed to the bit.
At a movie theater, a guy argued a trailer had a scene not in the actual movie. I laughed, thinking he was joking. Nope. He was very serious and demanded a refund.
Also, a grocery customer asked if we sold tennis balls and described what they looked like. Just... why?
A guy at work asked, “Hey, your kid is autistic, so you’re against vaccines, right?” I’d never heard anything like it and he was someone I thought was laid back. Surprise!
Mid-COVID, I said my cousin in Toronto can’t hit bars without the vaccine. My soon-to-be wife’s roommate hit me with a ‘Communism!’ label. I laughed, but she was dead serious.
UFOs are actually demons picking humans to create demon DNA babies. Also, COVID vaccine has demon DNA for the same reason. Yep, I’m not making this up.
Someone seriously claimed Obama passed away mid-term and was replaced by a robot. I just blinked.
Somebody actually thought dinosaurs were made up by Satan. That’s next-level denial right there.
During a job interview, the candidate gave a great example about working with different backgrounds - but wrapped it up with, “But generally, I prefer not to work with women.” Awkward much?
At a mall pushing my 11-month-old, a guy suddenly cut us off and offered to buy my kid for $3,000. I thought it was a joke... but nope. Creepy and baffling.
Someone told me goldfish only live for three days naturally, and anything longer is some sort of unnatural interference. That’s... something.
My friend worked as a therapist in Brooklyn on 9/11. Her patients came in screaming about the planes hitting the towers before she even heard the news. She calmly said, 'Let’s talk about this,' not realizing it was real.
I went to pick up prescription meds and the pharmacist said, “Your total is $329.” I giggled. It was just omeprazole! Luckily, we finagled it down to $30.
Met a guy on a first date who said, “I’m a big fan of Honey Boo-Boo!” He wasn’t kidding. He even had a Christmas party photo with her family. Wild.
My mom works at a nursing home. One time a baby kangaroo was visiting. Also, squirrels broke in before. Nursing homes getting wild!
My male coworker randomly asked, “I bet you don’t know what a labia is.” I replied, “I’m quite familiar.” He said it just to be the workplace clown. Weird flex but OK.
There’s this electrical pad sold in Poland that supposedly cures cancer. Spoiler: it did not work.
New employee overheard me mentioning Epstein and Trump, then said “You know he was undercover, right?” I thought it was just an internet meme, but nope - he actually believed it. Worst hire ever.
Someone came up and said, “You don’t look disabled. Why are you on disability?” I just blinked. No words.
A former friend, in his late 20s, refused to hang out with someone because they were “losers in high school.” Obsessed with social status way past high school. Yikes.
At a party, an acquaintance told me, “We should have kids together. They’d be superior with our combined genetics.” I laughed, nervously.
I shared about my uncle dying and my mom’s dementia diagnosis. The friend said, “You’re just too self-deprecating.” I thought she was being sarcastic. We’re no longer friends.
Back in the 90s or 00s, a new neighbor told us about his partner’s Emmy, which he proudly showed on his desk. It turns out the Emmy was for their work on ‘Debbie Does Dallas.’
A 22-year-old guy asked me, a 36-year-old woman, out for coffee because he hates his generation. Interesting approach!
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