The Wildest Stories of Getting Back at Bullies (Because Why Not?)

This kid in my school loved throwing coins at me in math class. One day, a dime hit me right on the back of my head, and I just snapped. I yelled at him to stop throwing coins at me and called him out for only being brave when I wasn’t looking. The teacher looked at me, said “Well said,” and lesson continued. Guess what? Coin throwing stopped immediately. Moral: standing up loud and proud actually works.

In middle school, my buddy Martin was a mountain of a kid, but he took a lot of bullying. One day, a punk named Sean kept mocking Martin’s red sweatshirt. Martin had enough, slammed his hands on a huge table, lifted it, and bam! The table smashed right into Sean’s face, breaking his glasses and making a bloody mess. The teacher just told them to sit apart and moved on. Legendary moment for us.

So, I was the shortest kid in class once upon a time, and this dude Phillip made my life miserable. Years later, I ended up dating his little sister. When Phillip and his dad tried to reconcile their messy divorce at Thanksgiving, I was at dinner. Phillip freaked out, shoved me, and even grabbed a knife! His mom put her foot down and kicked them out for good. Best accidental revenge ever.

At my high school, some kids loved to kick open bathroom stall doors mid-poop just to laugh. One day, a brave kid who’d had enough walked into the lunchroom with his poop on a paper towel and slapped the guy who kicked open the door right in the face. Instant silence. That prank ended real quick.

In high school, some people said I didn’t deserve to get into a certain college and laughed at my dreams. Guess who graduated top of the class, went to grad school, and lived their best life? That’s right! Nothing screams revenge louder than just living well and proving haters wrong.

There was this kid who always rolled with his mom because he didn’t have many friends. Some bullies skateboarded around him, calling him names, but one day he and his mom had the ultimate payback. The kid opened his car door right as those bullies were skating by, and the first dude crashed hard. Everyone wiped out trying to avoid him. The grand finale? Kid and mom high-fived before driving off. Epic!

On a school trip, a bully threw stuff at me on the bus. I saved it all, tossed it back when he got off, and boom! Fight time. Teachers had no clue, so it escalated into a full-blown candy raid and lockdown. Later at the beach, the bully tried attacking us on pedal boats, but our jet ski-riding teacher saved the day - sending the bully faceplanting on the boat. They got suspended and banned from future trips. Total glory moment!

In sixth grade, the queen bee was always mean to me because of my weight. One day, I noticed she had a tissue sticking out of her bra (yes, really). When she taunted me, I fired back with, “Can I borrow a tissue from your bra? I'm gonna go cry about it.” Instant tears. The whole class was stunned. It was a silly comeback but hit spot on. Best sixth grade win ever!

Fifth grade me was bullied for my weight, and one day, I shoved a jerk who made gross comments about my sister. He got mad, pulled a knife, and I tackled him hard while punching him. Yeah, I got a little cut (not a big deal), he got sent to juvey, and the girls suddenly thought I was a tough guy. Revenge served with a side of street cred.

Kindergarten pain: this big bad fourth grader teased me about my weird name. I waited until nap time, stuck out my leg, and bam! He face-planted, lost a tooth, and started crying. I went right back to my nap, feeling like a ninja. Sometimes justice is quick and sweet.

In high school, this girl and I just couldn't stand each other. One day, she popped up as my top valentine match on school software and I loudly called her stupid and annoying in class (she was sitting behind me!). The poor girl left the room - and I felt like a jerk. So I wrote her a sincere apology letter about respect and civility. Years later, we crossed paths, she thanked me, and we actually hung out like normal adults. Go figure.

In seventh grade gym, the most popular kid pushed me around. When he shoved me into a locker, I spun and threw a haymaker that landed smack on his mouth. His braces mashed his lips, and blood everywhere. He ran off crying while the gym teacher didn’t even get mad. Two-day suspension for me, party at the Red Wings game with my dad. Winning!

I was the bully for a while, dealing with my own problems after my dad passed. I picked on my best friend from 5th through 7th grade, but when he told me he didn’t like me, it hit me hard. I’ve felt guilty ever since and hope I didn't mess him up too much. He’s doing awesome now, so that’s some hope!

Lunchroom showdown: a football player flipped our chessboard in a move worthy of a s**t boss. I called him a d**k, he got mad, I stabbed his hand with a pencil, and the drama exploded. A friend swung a lunch tray at his face, shattering his nose. Suspension? Yep. But our principal loved upsetting the football coach, so my buddy and I got off scot-free. Nothing like a chess victory!

A friend was harassed on a train by some dude calling him "gay." Then my buddy flipped it with, “I thought we weren’t telling anyone about us?” The bully got red and his girlfriend kept shooting him confused looks. My friend kept teasing about their 'secret relationship' until the bully just shut up. That’s some sly wordplay revenge!

There was this queen bee in high school nobody liked. Years later, she was working at a Denny's. So I started going there all the time, chatting her up and leaving ridiculously big tips. Revenge tastes sweet with a side of extra gravy.

I went to school with this jerk named Cale. One day, I stole his sandwich, plucked some of my pubes, sprinkled them on it, and returned it to him. He ate the whole thing. Victory never tasted so weird.

A classmate kept picking on me during basketball, so I finally kicked him so hard his whole body flew up then crashed down in pain. He was out for 15 minutes, tears and all. He never bugged me again. Ouch!

My main bully called me all sorts of gay slurs throughout school. Years later, surprise! That guy became a she and now has a totally different life. Didn’t even have to do anything - life brought the comeback!

When I was little, a big fourth grader stomped on our sandcastles all the time. One day, we built an epic sandcastle full of fire ants from nearby anthills. The bully jumped right in and got swarmed, screaming and ripping off his clothes in front of everyone. He never messed with us again. Sweet outdoor justice!

Got tired of being bullied in secondary school, so one day I pushed the guy down a flight of stairs - and then just walked back into class like it was no big deal. Instant street cred.

A classmate kept throwing spitballs at me. One day it finally landed in my hair. I calmly stabbed him in the back of the hand with a pencil (breaking off the lead in his skin). He freaked out and ran to the bathroom. He liked me, though, which made this whole thing extra weird. After that, he pretty much left me alone.

I was skinny and weak in school, bullied a lot. Fast forward years later: I run into Chris - the dude who used to throw me against lockers - working a gas station cashier job, clearly nowhere special. I didn’t say a word, just smiled to myself. Success is the quietest revenge.

When a bully in school hit my little brother, his big brothers (my friends) pooled money for a fat stash of coke and planted it in the bully's locker. The locker got searched. The bully was expelled. Talk about turning the tables!

In college, a 'friend' used me as his beard and spread wild s**t about my nonexistent love life. To get back, I swapped his hair conditioner with hair removal cream. He loved his hair, so watching him freak out was priceless. Never found out it was me!

Annoying third grader kept trying to knock me down at recess. One day, I charged and knocked him right on his back. After a tussle, we got caught and had to write "I will not fight" 25 times - but he never bothered me again. Sometimes a little push is all you need.

Used to get daily beatings from bullies who seemed unstoppable. Years later, I grabbed one, wedgied him hard enough to lift him off the floor, dropped him, repeated until his underwear tore. Best. Revenge. Ever. Way better than actual fighting.

A sophomore bully slapped me during locker room time. I shoved him so hard he fell face-first into lockers. Everyone laughed, and I finally felt vindicated for standing up for myself. Nothing like a good shove to end the nonsense.

In second grade, a girl stole my prize from a Math Bingo game and hid it in her backpack. A classroom search uncovered tons of other stolen goodies. She got transferred out. Lesson: stealing never pays!

Kid from the neighborhood mocked me endlessly. One day, I ran after the bus to catch it but they drove off, with him heckling and throwing papers. He’s now tangled up in arrests and working at a gas station. Meanwhile, I cruise by in my shiny Audi, just stopping to remind him who’s boss. Karma’s delicious.

A bully messed with my friend’s little brother brutally, breaking his nose and tooth. So we got creative and planted a stash of coke in his locker. Got him expelled and sent to alternative school. Sweet justice with a high price for him.

I'm now a CEO working on cool video games and projects, while the jerk who bullied me chants "nerd!" and now works as a gas station cashier in town. Some things just work out.

A big redhead dude was yelling at an autistic classmate until I stepped in, slammed him against lockers, and told him straight: mess with that kid again and I’d end him. The bully was shook and so was the autistic kid. Justice served loud and clear.

Some bullies thought they could mess with me and my friends during recess. So one time, I punched one guy, a friend delivered a Bruce Lee-style kick, and the rest just got taken down like a wild western brawl. From quiet to fierce - in revenge mode!

My roommates glued my Smash Bros cartridge into the N64, ruining everything. Perfect timing though, I was giving up masturbation for Lent. So, on the 40th day, I ‘came’ right into their shampoo and body wash. That revenge smells... unforgettable.

Ran into my old bully in the city one morning. When he left his wallet unattended, I grabbed it quietly and took off. Found it was stuffed with cash, so I bought a brand new Armani suit with it. No regrets, and never saw that jerk again.

A sporty, popular guy mocked me for being shy and even slipped me laxatives right before prom. My revenge? I hooked up with his mom on the pool table in his basement. Talk about flipping the script!

Found my old bully years later and rang his doorbell. He came out with a bat, but I kicked the door back into his face and started brawling. Even his mom jumped in, but I powered through and won the fight. Sometimes nostalgia hits with a bloody fist.

He got beat down, nailed, and tortured like the worst ever. Then, seven days later - boom. The ultimate comeback: rising again. Yep, that guy. History’s most epic revenge story - and a legend for a reason.

There was this lady at school I really hated. Then she died in a car crash. I laughed. No shame. Revenge? Maybe. Gratitude for justice? Definitely.