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Hey there! Today, we’re diving straight into some of the funniest, weirdest, and downright bonkers chart notes doctors and nurses have ever scribbled down. No boring medical jargon, just pure silly gold. Let’s roll!
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Not a nurse here, but my autism diagnosis papers accidentally said I love constipated animals. Turns out, the Swedish words for constipation and taxidermy look alike. Just to be clear - I’m NOT into collecting constipated animals!
A social worker here admits, but seriously, once I saw a nephrologist call an elderly patient a “toothless party animal.” That’s a vibe!
Not a nurse, just sharing my own chart note: “Major depressive disorder. Mood improved since getting divorced.” The kicker? I never told them about the divorce.
Found some old doctor notes gems:
"Genital exam revealed patient is circus sized."
"Patient no shaking chills, but husband says she was very hot in bed last night."
And my fave: "Patient has two teenage children but no other abnormalities." Priceless!
There was this one doctor who did rounds dressed as Elvis on Halloween. When his brother checked the patient later, the note said: “Patient claims to have seen Elvis. Will continue to follow up.” You can’t make this stuff up.
I was working in an office and loved this letter saying: “Patient had lower leg amputated at 18 due to cancer, and it is not anticipated to grow back.” Thanks for that reality check!
Checked my own MyChart once and saw: “Patient shaved head since last visit. Looks better.” Straight talk!
I was caring for a patient with a stab wound. The trauma notes explained the cause simply: “caused by baby mama drama.”
Note said: “Patient has been vomiting every 10 minutes since 1945.” Spoiler alert: That means 7:45 PM, not the year 1945.
Chart said: “large brown stool ambulating in hall.” Definitely shows how punctuation matters!
Seen on an elderly lady’s visit notes: “uses expletives liberally but non-belligerently.” Love the vibe!
After a tough delivery with a floppy baby, genetics wrote: “neonate had syndromic-appearing facies, but parents present, and resemblance noted.” Classic.
Patient arrived super drunk and just yelled at questions. Nurse wrote: “Reason for visit: Hypervodkaemia.” Also added patient says 'Aye eeee aye eee' loudly. Perfect.
In the ER with a college kid sobering up: “They have metabolized to freedom.” Couldn’t say it better.
At urgent care, someone believed her varicose veins were implanted by her neighbor for secret government tracking. Spoiler: She never came back.
“Term infant born on sidewalk in front of Denny’s. Placenta found intact in mother’s purse.” Wow, talk about multitasking!
As a mental health nurse, I asked a patient if they wanted food. They said, “I eat souls for breakfast, my diet is water and demons.” So, I charted: declined food since no souls, water, or demons offered.
Not a nurse but my daughter’s cardiologist charted: “Mom has been using Google again...” Nothing says empathy like that!
Urologist notes: “Patient has no history of tobacco, alcohol, or illicit substance use due to his status as a BABY IN THE NEWBORN NURSERY.” Caps lock was clearly on for emphasis.
Chart read: “That’s when chaos ensued.” Honestly, who wouldn’t want to know what happened next?
On a 90-something patient admitted for dehydration, the PRN order said: “Give my man as many Ensures as he wants.” Talk about care with affection.
As a vet tech, I saw the note “Beautiful pink nose :)” for a fractious cat. It didn’t exactly help me handle the grumpy furball though.
A note just said: “I did everything for patient and she’s still complaining.” Honestly, same.
Student nurse charted on a new C-section patient everything was fine until the last line: “moves well, is good in bed.” Ooops!
I once read: “Self-inflicted eye trauma. Patient attempted to tattoo sclera with sharpie.” Also saw: “Patient cut eye with steak knife trying to remove clothing tag.” People, please be careful!
Found a note from college days saying I was “remarkably noncompliant” with ADHD meds. Truth hurts but it made me laugh!
Got in trouble charting: “suspected yeast infection under third abdominal roll.” Learned now to say “skin folds” instead. Oops!
Where I’m from, there’s a town called “New Parks.” In notes, “NFNP” means “Normal for New Parks.” Spoiler: Not good!
Note said: “Keep eye on resident at all times, especially when doing care. Failure may result in flying feces.” Anything worse than flying poop? Probably not.
“Elderly patient hallucinating pretty girls around them. Patient is blind.” Also, “Patient acting erratic and rolling around in mud saying they’re a mermaid.” Welcome to medical reality!
Downloaded my daughter’s notes and found: “patient presents as very silly.” Couldn’t agree more!
Consultant said: “I have examined this baby. I believe he has GOK.” Me: “What’s GOK?” Consultant: “God Only Knows.” Then he just walked away laughing.
Patient said: “I can butcher a pig in six minutes and can butcher you in eight minutes, including the tongue.” Definitely one to watch!
During residency at the VA, the surgery note said: “Very interesting story, but no obvious need for surgical intervention as yet.” Period.
For a verbally aggressive patient, the neurologist’s note was just: “Patient is still mean. CT head in AM.” That’s it. Priceless.
Note said: “Blood sugars are high in their mind.” Funny because blood sugar was totally normal all along.
The podiatry consult noted: “Patient reports eating biscuits at all times.” Diet goals, right?
“Patient scratched by cat. Cat is usually an inside cat but was in heat and got outside.” That’s the entire triage note.
Years ago, an admission letter said: “Thank you for accepting this mountain of woman.” Odd but memorable!
At my medical school, the surgery chief would just order “beer” in big green marker, taking up a whole page in charts. Cheers!
Seen chart abbreviations like “TFTB” (too fat to breathe) and “blissful and rather dense organic brain syndrome.” Real talk from real docs.
Resident told roommate to “go back to hell.” Roommate said, “Show me the way.” Nurse wrote: resident calm, no more outbursts. Love this drama.
Before electronic records, a doc wrote: “Patient looks like a bloated whale.” Say it like you see it!
Chart read: “Has the appearance of someone taking a machine gun and firing.” Now that’s some vivid imagery!
On a trauma floor with adult psych patient: “patient remains in his playpen.” Imagining this is quite something!
Back when docs wrote orders, one wrote after ordering dialysis: “Go, Mets!” Funny, especially given the Boston hospital setting!
One line said: “Patient is a BFS: Big Fat Slug.” Another said: “Discharge to SNIFF.” Medical notes aren’t always serious!
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